Monday, February 10, 2020

How To Be Dumb



I tried Bullet Journaling. Now I just need a 1/4 sheet of paper not the whole journal to put my checklist of what I will do that day which I toss like a scratch paper after they're done. But my mind can't really put on calendar anything and doing it. (Note taking I still do on my journal the long form as I've been accustomed way back in the seminary which is more of a spiritual journaling. I think I favor more the long form because I'm a writer.) It's better in my seminary days when others get to plan and calendar it for me where everything is done by the hour, it's better in the corporate world where I do tasks scheduled and deadlined by my company.

Matthew 6:34 in particular says, "Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil."

In this article it is written:

A religious who lived very close to St John Bosco was asked whether the Saint was ever worried in the midst of his countless works, in his sometimes tumultuous life. The religious replied in this manner: "Don Bosco never, not even a minute before, thought about what he was about to do a minute later." Don Bosco, who understood the action of grace, always sought to do the will of God in the present moment. And following this path he fulfilled his vocation.

Would I still be alive in the future to still do all those things I plan to do? No one knows.

St. Therese spirituality earlier taught me to trust blindly in Jesus' Divine Mercy.

I need to be dumb or to be atention deficit about the future stuffs which may not even happen. As David Allen taught above in the TEDx Youtube that our brain wasn't designed to hold on to more than 4 stuffs, and that we need to clear it of stuffs to make it work. Though he teaches how to do it in his books, I focused more on his insight.

Today's information age just made us very aware of these things unlike before.

But why am I still anxious--this isn't a psychological problem I think--it's a spiritual problem of needing to trust God's mercy blindly.

We've forgotten to pray this:


At dawn let me hear of your kindness, for in you I trust. Show me the path I should walk, for to you I entrust my life. Psalm 143:8

What good can you easily do here and now?

The Blessed Virgin Mary promises me that my day will become good and she will take care of my problems as long as I ask myself the whole day every now and then what good I can easily do here and now and then act on it.

I don’t know why but even the bestseller Atomic Habits is pointing on this psychological technique except that being open to God's will for the day is our Marian practice using ethics to answer the here and now question.

But boy did I started everything purely psychological and I’m still anxious.

But with a spiritual trust in God’s Divine mercy, I’m not anymore. You should thus be able to tell yourself that this is the only good thing I can easily do here and now. I don't know anything else for now. May God be merciful to me. 


Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now, and at the hour of our death. Amen.

*recommended reading on the word "here and now" and how our dreams and visions are in the background

Saturday, February 8, 2020

Marriage is a Sacrament of Salvation

Any sacrament is sanctified, by whom.

By Jesus, included in the seven sacraments.

It is not marriage that saves.

It is Jesus, without whom marriage won't even work any more than save.

To reiterate, St. Paul told us that it is better to be married than to be aflamed with passion. The salvific effect of marriage is Pauline, not mine. Reformed sexual addicts should benefit from the vocation to marriage, sanctified by Jesus Christ.

There is a clear teaching treasured by the Catholic Church founded by Jesus Christ about marriage. Consider an old practice of polygamy where romantic love can't really bloom. Consider aborting fetuses to be practiced by those who can't afford or aren't yet prepared lovers. It is the teaching of Jesus that made marriage sacramental and thus salvific. It is transformed by Jesus into something good and then salvific.

Jesus made clear what the good of marriage consist. It does not consist of adultery for example. Concupiscense is still present of course because we aren't angels or resurrected bodies to be transformed by Christ in parousia. We have a fallen body. And lust as called forth by St. Paul above as passion can be eased by marriage, the sacrament of marriage to be specific. The union in sexual intercourse isn't just merely bodily, but a sacral act, a reenactment of the romantic love solidified and blessed when the husband and wife said yes to each other in front of God. Yes it is carnal, but is transformed by Jesus as good interpreted as that longing of God for His people in Song of songs. When it is clear that almsgiving can be used to show people how good you are, then sexual intercourse can also be. The blog I have written is for reforming sexual addicts in particular, nor for normal people, please read carefully on my Pages section Letter to My Reader. If marriage can kill concupiscence, I would have jumped to marrying as it would surely save my soul. But I have written this blog to pinpoint what practices are there traditionally named chastity by the Catholic Church that can enable the effectivity of the sacrament of marriage. For non-addicts please note carefully that these points aren't clear for us in the first place. If these points have been clear to us, we would not have been sexual addicts. If you're struggling lately against one of the deadly 7 capital or deadly sins, lust, then this blog can still benefit you too.

There are the three vocations of single blessedness, consecrated life, and marriage. Evagrius won't allow those struggling against lust to enter the consecrated life. I advice that temporary singlehood can be used by those preparing for marriage even they are struggling against lust by reading and practicing what is written here in my blog for example. But it is marriage that such strong urge to sexual union can be disciplined and then sanctified. None on this earth can. However, former sexual addicts like St. Augustine made it to consecrated life. Evagrius though adviced to first learn and discipline oneself to chastity before entering consecrated life. We have a discussion for that in my book.

St. Augustine, St. Paul, pray for us reformed sexual addicts!

Monday, February 3, 2020

ADHD and Sexual Addiction

"ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) is a highly comorbid disorder with hypersexuality: up to 67% of individuals with hypersexuality [or sexual addiction] reported some patterns of ADHD in prior studies." (https://www.psypost.org/2019/07/study-adult-adhd-symptoms-play-important-role-in-hypersexuality-and-problematic-pornography-use-53995)

The solution for the former can be the solution for the latter as well. "Tips for Managing Adult ADHD" will tell you things sexual addicts can benefit from.

How do you know if you have mild or moderate ADHD? This ADHD Test will tell you.

How on earth did I became aware? I wasn't until now.

I was looking to up my journaling offline when the Bullet Journaling of Ryder Carroll, who has ADHD, caught my attention. Can I really have some sort of even mild ADHD since I really can't calendar and plan, I asked myself. Well, the test told me I have moderate ADHD, worse than mild.

Let me tell my short story. As a child I use to bump my front head because it's too painful or I'm too anxious (now I know I have headache caused by neurological condition). I don't know why I do that. But ADHD causes gives me clues. I have a cigarette addict father. My mother drinks. Chemical playing could've exacerbated it. Now I find myself really incapable of planning/calendaring, has low frustration tolerance, can't easily organize, etc. But what I found out earlier was that sexual addicts have damaged prefrontal cortex, disabling my setting and achieving goals or executive functioning, a condition that is affirmed by my meandering career situation. Compared to my colleagues, I really feel that there's something wrong with me. I don't mean to point this to play the blame game to excuse myself, but to capacitate myself to add the ADHD's coping mechanism to enable myself. My sexual addiction could have not evolved this far if not for an unknown neurological damage in me.

Holy Mary, health of the sick, pray for us, sinners!

Thursday, January 9, 2020

Christ's Saving Effect in My Soul

Viva El Sto. NiƱo Jesus!

The Christmas season is almost over. Does it still matter if Christ's incarnation has still some saving effect on my poor soul as a repentant sexual addict? It seems it doesn't matter anymore.

Let's rather count how many hours are there in a day. For that 24 hour given to you, how many hours did God gave you with chastity and no struggle against it?

That's it! I should rather focus on celebrating the chaste hours of my life than wallow in pity my last relapse. And rather than always worry about recurrences and future relapses, just enjoy the present chastity God is giving us repentant sexual addicts here and now. What a gift that I have been praying for for so long but I am just not minding! It is this fruit of God's mercy in my soul that I should celebrate and be always conscious of and joyful with. What does it profit me if I gave all my riches to the poor while I still commit sexual sins! But alas, God is making me experience the fruit of His graces of chastity I don't deserve even a bit. His Great Mercy has worked, is working, and will always work in me.

Jesus, Jesus, come to us! 

Monday, March 4, 2019

Our Worries And Our Hopes

Taste and see that the Lord is good... (Psalm 34:8) I am talking about marriage, the sacrament of marriage instituted by Christ...and the battle against unchastity which Our Lady of Fatima told Jacinta that "More souls go to Hell because of sins of the flesh than for any other reason." Again, I thank the Lord that love songs still reign. Fucking out of the context of real love is meaningless, and although pleasurable, real love is way beyond it, it is real joy not just pleasurable. It is even the element that gives a happy life from the world's longest studies of adult life. Good relationships keep us happier and healthier...watch below


Unless the world really wants to be miserable as a Facebook share tells below. Some details are somewhat questionable like the incest in Germany. The incest was unintended since the siblings were separated and didn't know they're siblings until they have four children, two of whom were disabled. It could have been judged unintended against the law without any need to change the law. Policy makers around the world aren't idiots, they're just unchristian. If that is what appeals to their reason, then their reason is clouded by their sinful desires that Christ from the very beginning of his ministry has corrected. Christ's grace has empowered us to be worthy christian, worthier than Aristotle's rational animal, and the author is but right in questioning where the world is heading.
https://www.facebook.com/kitroyalhotel/posts/where-is-the-world-going1-adultery-is-allowed-in-south-africa-man-or-woman-no-lo/1503476029686049/
Where is the world going?
1-Adultery is allowed in South Africa,
Man or woman no longer has the right to repudiate
the other because of adultery
2-The United States confirmed that for all countries in the
world to build good relations with the great power, these countries must practice
homosexual marriage (woman + woman = 1 or
Man + man = 1).
3. Germany had just signed the law which declares
that there is no more incest, that is to say: Brother and
Sisters can get married, Mum with her son and
Dad with his daughter ..
4-The City of Miami is now proclaiming a City of public sex which means that on the road, church, market, football field etc if you need sex you can have it en route
without having any problem.
5-Canada allows bestiality (sex with Animals) In Spain: pornographic films are allowed in high school and universities.
6- The authorization of the prostitution of minors,
Marg Luker declares that any young girl at the age of 10 feels sexual pleasure and
no one should defend that person from discovering how her body works.
7- Finally, the US has opened the church of satanic publicly. Dear brothers and sisters, the end is near, the departure in the Glory approach.
The Lord Jesus is coming soon! MARANATHA
Christians are being distracted, and the devil wants to take maximum number of souls with him in order to stop them from divine mercy.
If you have a minute ... share this message.
Why do we sleep in church but stay awake in the bars?
Why is it so hard to talk about God but so easy to make gossip?
Why is it so easy to ignore God's msg but to send back dirty easy messages?
Will you send this message to your friends or will you ignore it? Jesus said, "If you deny me before your friends, I will deny you before my father."
God bless you. Amen!!!
 Love is heaven here below, despite the sacrifices. The Lord is indeed sweet!

O Immaculata, pray for us who have recourse to You!
"She will crush your head...You alone have destroyed all heresies in the whole world." 

Thursday, February 28, 2019

Trial and Judgement of Sexual Addictions of Our Good Shepherds

Homosexual or heterosexual addiction, has no difference. Heterosexual abuse of minors, womanizing, etc., would have to be differentiated though from heterosexual attempt to establish faithful good marriage within chaste celibacy though both sinful, but is outside the scope of our present article.

Two factors exists in such trial and judgement. One is the sentence of God, the other is of man. Whether or not a repentant sexual addict is incarcerated, his chastity works should not stop until death. But guilt has to be established by human court, and justice be served. God's judgement though is different, and is based on our continuing faithfulness to our chastity works. Don't think that jail time can appease God's wrath for the innocence lost by this little ones because of the sexual offense. "It would be better for him if a millstone were put around his neck and he be thrown into the sea than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin." (Luke 17:2). But I've put the word repentant sexual addicts, to call on God's mercy rather.

Evading justice is an offender's work, sorry to say that. It could have been avoided from the beginning. We've carried Evagrius' advice, and that sexual addicts don't belong to the call of chaste celibacy, but rather to St. Paul's advice to marry than burn in hell. (This article has not the scope of discussing psychological theory to manipulate and normalize homosexual tendency to focus on opposite sex, on homosexual men's capacity to have an erection which is a promising capacity for vaginal penetration and orgasm, and then be subjugated to the fulfilling union of marriage.) To live a homosexual life as a laity has lesser offense, but to live as a laity healing one's sexual addiction is better.

Establishing one's guilt by oneself rather than by one's neighbor or by God

It's important to know every temptation assaults whether you entertained them slightly (venial sin), or thoroughly (mortal sin), or not at all (innocent). Make sure to always start today as always the day of conversion, no more to go back to your filthy ways no matter how unbelievable such act is for you at this very moment since with God all things are possible. Ask forgiveness if you sinned, repent, make amends, and start again your day of conversion. Then you can be at peace after the temptation subsides. When temptation returns back, rename the desire and behavior as abnormal, relax and rechannel one's mind to good things and name it as the normal behavior or even virtuous one, then life goes on. After the struggle, say to yourself my conscience is clean and it isn't bothering me. Thanks be to God! "How blessed are those to whom Yahweh imputes no guilt, whose spirit harbours no deceit." (Psalm 32:2) This is the height of our freedom from the chains of sexual addiction, and we can rejoice.

Pope Francis Outlines 8-Point Plan for ‘All-Out Battle’ Against Sexual Abuse

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners!
St. Paul, St. Augustine, pray for us. 

Sunday, February 10, 2019

Mental Disorder or Not, SA Leads To Brain Abnormalcy

If WHO classifies compulsive sexual behavior as a mental health disorder, APA doesn't yet, according to this article.

On our part, whether or not it is a mental health disorder, it can lead to brain abnormalcy, our mind becoming dependent on the substance/activity being abused, and our brain beginning to rely on that substance/activity to produce certain chemicals most often connected with the reward system. see https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/ventral-striatum  see also the link between Alcohol abuse and Porn addiction
Recent research has shown that non-drug addictions such as gambling, binge-eating, and sexual activities affect brain function in ways similar to alcohol and drug addiction. https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/the-brains-of-porn-addicts/
All of it causing havoc on our capacity to decide and manage working memory.

Consider bodybuilding rewarding us with good looking physique if not health benefits too. Consider just checking and trying to lift that heavier weights once per week only, and then twice, and then finally 8 times rep on two sets after a year or two.

Consider in reverse then to positively imagine your twice relapse to sexual addiction per week becomes once a week, and then once a year only when you got drunk and you had a fight with your wife. The strength and muscle built we will see in such chastity capacity building is our astute or razor-sharp capacity to executively decide and achieve things we never had again after becoming a sexual addict. Start then the habit and practice answering Our Blessed Mother's question, "What good can you easily do here and now?" Then do it.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners! 


Sunday, February 3, 2019

Did Marriage Really Cured Their Sexual Addiction?

As I've said before, the number one cure for sexual addiction is marriage, a divinely inspired cure from St. Paul.

I Thought Marriage Would Cure My Addiction {He Said} This article is telling that her wife had pain in the first year of marriage that "The lack of sex in our marriage left me vulnerable to find fulfillment elsewhere: pornography." It was the lack of satisfying sexual union that made the marriage ineffective. And it happened in the first year of marriage which is crucial.

No, Marriage is Not the Cure for Lust This article tells to practice resisting lust before marriage which is somewhat similar to my stand. But I have the same counter argument to reinterpret St. Paul's stand as correct, not because it is a Word of God, in the Bible, or anything we can believe blindly, but because it is true. The author has the double problem of sexual addiction and drug addiction. Drug addiction is worse than self-injected delusion that I was talking about. Marriage is not the answer though to drug addiction. But the twin headed addiction must first be beheaded to one only before marriage can be of help.

Then again my reminder that marriage will not cure you if you will not practice our recommendations here. Why is marriage the somewhat unconfirmed solution of atheist to their sexual addiction? Well, is there something else in common with the theist? Perhaps they don't care to report it.

Then here I am. Still being sustained by God in single blessedness, if not for this work He seems to be wanting me to still continue as an unmarried person. I am telling you to marry to cure your sexual addiction. How? Outside marriage you will find managing sexual addiction very difficult if not impossible without God's mercy and compassion. Period. You want to tread the road less traveled like I did? I tell you don't. But if you're not really addicted to sex, and you're gifted by God with the capacity for celibate loving, then go. Then why am I not living my own counsel to already marry. I tell you I have stormed heaven with my prayers for so long and so intense why God isn't still giving me a wife that the only reason God hints me with is that this chastity work I am doing is according to His will or so I think only. But this is my vocation: to tell you that managing sexual addiction outside marriage is very difficult. It is not your calling. God made me to tell you to already prepare for marriage as you do our chastity works here because there is nothing but marriage which is the number one cure for sexual addiction. Other natural techniques pales in comparison.

The two authors above are correct though that it is God who will cure us really, be it before, during, or after marriage.

So what is the point of my ranting? It is that our first interpretation of St. Paul is correct. And no you don't experiment like I did in searching for answers to sexual addiction outside marriage. What you may get is that you will loose your time and youth without finances for marriage, you don't know how to cook for your wife and children, that is why I am saying again PREPARE FOR MARRIAGE, and then marry. Hear me or suffer the consequences, choose then your path. I have delivered my message clearly.

Friday, January 25, 2019

Permitting Masturbation to the Loving Imagination of One's Beloved

Only through the motive of mercy and understanding, we permit it, to prevent xxx-rated masturbation becoming ingrained or hardened again.

But the rule still applies that if one can, let one marry and not just imagine marrying.

If not for the culture of pornography, if not for the culture that prevents real communication and encounter, I would not permit this vicious cycle coming from an artificial psychological incapacity.

The challenge is to let repentant sexual addicts become capable financially, psychologically, spiritually, socially, to bear the sweet burden of marriage as a kind of one's sharing in Christ's cross.

If there will be permission it was due to the hardness of the heart. And this is not the official teaching of the Church, so whatever the Church calls us towards, like in the living of the fullness of life, let this teaching be done away with.

Likewise it was permitted for the process of healing sexual addiction which aims towards the habituation of chastity itself in its fullness. So it was like a temporary permission only with a view towards doing away with it when the complete healing comes.

The backlash after the temporary permission is granted is that there is a fixation effect of the chaste celibate body to transition to a body already accommodating that of the married body's orientation. In effect it will still long for sexual union without the marriage which is not yet even in sight. The target is to let the body stay on the chaste singlehood equilibrium until marriage is already granted by God.

St. Augustine, pray for us!

Thursday, January 24, 2019

Addiction and Suffering

From https://www.ewtn.com/library/SCRIPTUR/SUFFER.TXT

                             SUFFERING

                        by Fr. William Most

1. Suffering is needed to help us rise above the weakness that is 
found in our nature as a result of original sin. For we are 
inclined to evil and are like a bent piece of springy metal. 
Imagine a piece of such metal standing up, the lower part 
straight, the upper part bent. To make it finally become 
straight, it is necessary to push it beyond the center position 
many times. So, suffering helps us regain freedom. Otherwise we 
can become as it were a slave to these tendencies, in a sort of 
addiction.

To explain this damage from sin, we notice first, it is not the 
total corruption of which Luther spoke - then, since St. Paul 
says we are temples of the Holy Spirit, it would mean the Holy 
Spirit would dwell in total corruption! The real meaning of the 
damage is this: It means that our nature is left where it would 
have been if God had created it without any added gifts. Human 
body and soul each have many drives or needs - none evil in se, 
but yet each drive goes for its own object mechanically, 
automatically, blindly, without regard to the needs of the other 
drives or of other persons. God gave Adam and Eve a coordinating 
gift, or, the gift of integrity, which made it easy to keep these 
in place. By sin they lost that gift and so did not have it to 
pass on to us. We see this fact since after the fall, God asked 
Adam: Adam, where are you? - I was naked and I hid myself. - How 
did you find that out if you did not sin? Before the fall he was 
naked, but it did not bother him. After it, it did bother him, 
because of loss of the coordinating gift. To regain the freedom 
Adam once had, we need self-imposed mortification, or acceptance 
of suffering sent by God.

Pope John Paul II said in General Audience of Oct 8, 1986: 
"According to the Church's teaching it is a case of a relative 
and not an absolute deterioration, not intrinsic to the human 
faculties... . not of a loss of their essential capacities even 
in relation to the knowledge and love of God." It is only in this 
sense that we can speak of our mind as darkened and will 
weakened.

2. Suffering, whether self-imposed, or providentially sent, has a 
related aspect: it makes one more open to divine inspirations and 
guidance. We might start with Mt. 6:21: "Where your treasure is, 
there is your heart also." In a narrow sense that would mean a 
box of coins buried under the floor of the house. One who had it 
would love to think of it, it would be like a magnet to pull his 
thoughts and his heart. But one can put treasure in almost 
anything - in huge meals, in gourmet meals, in sex, in travel, in 
study, even in the study of Scripture. These are all lower than 
God, in various degrees. In proportion to how much lower they 
are, they make it that much less easy for thoughts and hearts to 
rise to God. But there is another, a second factor: how strongly 
a person lets these things get hold of him. At the mild end of 
the scale, they pull only far enough to lead him into 
imperfection, which less than venial sin. The next step would be 
occasional venial sin - then habitual venial sin - then 
occasional mortal sin - then habitual mortal sin. When the pulls 
are very strong, and the thing to which they pull is much lower 
than God, blindness can result: it will be almost impossible for 
thoughts and heart to rise to God. We can see this with the help 
of another comparison, which means the same thing. We think of a 
galvanometer, which is merely a compass needle on its pivot, 
surrounded by a coil of wire. We send a current through the coil, 
and the needle swings, the right direction and the right amount. 
It will read correctly if there is no competition from outside 
pulls, such as a 30, 000 volt power line, or a lot of magnetic 
steel. Then two forces affect the needle, the outside pulls, and 
the current in the coil. If the current in the coil is mild and 
the outside pulls strong, the current in the coil may show no 
effect on the needle. This meter stands for my mind. The current 
in the coil is grace, which is mild in that it respects my 
freedom. But the outside pulls do not respect that - if I let 
them get strong enough, they will make it impossible for the 
needle to register the effect of grace. If grace cannot do that, 
the very first step, it cannot do other things either. Then the 
person is blind. He is eternally lost unless someone would put an 
extraordinary weight into the scales, as it were, to call for an 
extraordinary grace. Such a grace is comparable to a miracle, and 
it can forestall or even cancel out human resistance.

3. Suffering is also needed for reparation for sin. Every sin is 
a debt, which unbalances the scale of the objective order. The 
holiness of God loves all that is good, and so wants it 
rebalanced. Suffering freely accepted will rebalance. However, 
even one mortal sin means an infinite imbalance so if the Father 
wanted to fully rebalance - He was not obliged - the only means 
was the incarnation of a Divine Person. He did that. We can have 
merit, a claim to reward, in that we become members of the 
Incarnate Divine Person, Christ, and in as much as we are like 
Him - like Him in suffering for reparation. This is the true 
sense of merit.

This suffering as reparation should be joined to the offering of 
Christ on the altar. So it is a major component of what <Lumen 
gentium> calls "spiritual sacrifices". In LG 10: "The baptized 
through their rebirth and the anointing by the Holy Spirit are 
consecrated into a spiritual house and holy priesthood, so that 
through all the works of the christian man, they may offer 
spiritual sacrifices... ." In LG 34: "For all their works, 
prayers, apostolic undertakings, living in marriage and family, 
daily work, relaxation of mind and body, if they are done in the 
Spirit-- in fact the troubles of life if they are patiently 
endured - become spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God through 
Jesus Christ, which are most devotedly offered to the Father in 
the celebration of the Eucharist along with the offering of the 
Lord's body." The theological framework in regard to their 
offering in the Mass was expressed precisely by Pius XII, in 
<Mediator Dei>: (1) "It is clear that the faithful offer the 
sacrifice through the hands of the priest from the fact that the 
priest at the altar in offering a sacrifice in the name of all 
His members, does so in the person of Christ, the Head [of the 
Mystical Body]" (2) "The statement that the people offer the 
sacrifice with the priest does not mean that... they perform a 
visible liturgical rite... instead, it is based on the fact that 
the people join their hearts in praise, , petition, expiation, 
and thanksgiving with the prayers or intention of the priest, in 
fact, of the High Priest Himself, so that in one and same 
offering of the Victim... they may be presented to God the 
Father." The presentation of the "spiritual sacrifices" is 
expressed in the second part-- and suffering is a specially 
important part of it, as a special likeness to Christ Himself. So 
someone who is a shut-in and who suffers chronically can 
accomplish more by this means than those who labor in apostolic 
work.

Our sufferings if considered apart from Christ have no power to 
bring about an effect - we are saved and made holy not as 
individuals, but to the extent that we are members of Christ and 
like Him. Then we get in on the claim, the sacrifice, the merit 
that He generates.

What if we are inclined to worry about our health or other 
things? Does that mean a lack of confidence in God? Not 
necessarily. God has not made a promise anywhere that we will not 
run into cancer or some other serious suffering. We should try to 
realize that even worry, understood properly, can make us more 
like Christ, and so be of immense value. For He Himself, as the 
Church teaches us, from the first instant of His human 
conception, saw in His human soul the vision of God, in which all 
knowledge is present. Pope Pius XII, in his great Encyclical on 
the Mystical Body, told us that by this means He knew and loved 
each one of us individually, as clearly as a mother would have 
her child on her lap. But then it is also evident that He also 
knew, in terrible detail, everything He was to suffer. When we 
face some trouble or suffering we can say: Perhaps it will not 
come... perhaps it will not be that bad. But such a refuge was 
not possible to Him, for by that vision He knew infallibly, and 
in merciless detail, all He had to suffer. Imagine living a whole 
lifetime with that! He accepted it all gladly as the will of His 
Father.

Twice during His public life He let us as it were look inside 
Him. In Luke 12. 50 He said: "I have a baptism to be baptized 
with, and how am I straitened until it be accomplished"-that is: 
I know I must be plunged into deep suffering. I am as it were in 
a tight place, I cannot get comfortable until I get it over with. 
Again in John 12. 27, about a week before His death, He allowed 
Himself to break into a speech to say: "Now my heart is troubled. 
What shall I say? Father, save me from this hour!" Yet for love 
of His Father and for love of us, He did not pull back. He 
accepted. It all cam e to a head in Gethsemani, when the interior 
tension was so severe that it ruptured the blood vessels near the 
sweat glands, and sent that red tide out through them.

So if we find we cannot avoid worrying -- we can unite even that 
with His, and thus it will be of immense value.

4. It is important to remember that Our Lady still has a role in 
each Mass - this is to be expected, since she had such a role in 
the original bloody sacrifice. For Vatican II, on Liturgy 10, 
said the Mass is the renewal of the New Covenant. The Council of 
Trent said that the Mass is the same as Calvary,"only the manner 
of offering being changed". If that is the only change, she must 
be involved. Hence John Paul II, in an address of Feb. 12, 1984, 
said: "Every liturgical action... is an occasion of communion... 
and in a particular way with Mary... . Because the Liturgy is the 
action of Christ and of the Church... she is inseparable from one 
and the other... . Mary is present in the memorial - the 
liturgical action - because she was present at the saving 
event... . She is at every altar where the memorial of the 
Passion and Resurrection is celebrated, because she was present, 
faithful with her whole being, to the Father's plan, at the 
historic salvific occasion of Christ's death."- To be specific: 
(1) as to the external sign: the body and blood on the altar 
still came from her - (2) as to the interior dispositions: her 
interior union of dispositions with His is still the same as that 
which she had on Calvary. - Therefore, the more fully one is 
united with Christ on the altar, the more fully, ipso facto, with 
her - and the more fully one is united with her, the more fully 
with Christ.

5. In passing we can see why Our Lady at Fatima asked for prayers 
and sacrifices for many who would be lost unless someone does it 
for them. They are blind, and only an extraordinary grace can 
rescue them. To get that, an extraordinary weight needs to be put 
into the scales of the objective order.

Conclusion:

2 Cor. 4:17: "That which is light and momentary in our 
tribulations, is working (producing) for us beyond all measure 
and eternal weight of glory."- If this is true of what is light 
and momentary - what of something that is not light but heavy, 
and not momentary but long running!

Rom 8. 17-18: "If we are sons, we are heirs, heirs indeed of God, 
fellow heirs with Christ - if only we suffer with Him, so we may 
be glorified with Him. I judge that the sufferings of the present 
time are not worthy to be compared to the glory that is to be 
revealed to us."

Many fine theologians, beginning with the ancient Rabbis and 
extending even to modern Catholic theologians, think it probable 
that if at the end of life a person has long and difficult 
suffering, and yet he/she accepts it as the will of the Father, 
he/she may escape purgatory altogether. Surely a great prize to 
strive for! Acceptance means not merely refraining from 
complaining, but positively saying thanks to the Father for 
giving us a share in the sufferings of His Son.

For further data, cf. Wm. G. Most, <Our Father's Plan>,  Chapters 
3-11 and 19-20.

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Wednesday, January 23, 2019

Will Marriage Stop Sexual Addiction?

If you are a repentant sexual addict, and is working out your healing according to this blog, then marriage will stop sexual addiction.

The concern that your sexual addiction will linger if you're already married is a legitimate concern. It's not about what kind of sexual addiction you have even you still relapse up to now. It is about the faithful execution of the works we are discussing here. If you're saying doing the good works that you can easily do here and now is not a kind of loving, and so you are not doing it, whatever the timing is of your complete stopping of the work we've been recommending here, be it before, during, or after marriage, then marriage won't help you too. Likewise if one becomes completely healed outside marriage (which depends on the gravity of one's compulsion that's why others can recover faster than those addicted when they're still children), the continuing of this work of chastity even in single blessedness, becomes an effective way to love.

Answering the question what good you can easily do here and now while preparing for marriage will make you look for a job, be more industrious, learn to cook, etc. Likewise, the question will have a different set of answer for those who are married already. Your wife is sick and you want to make love. What good can you easily do there and then? You ask her questions if she needs medicine, blanket, or rather go already to the doctor. Won't that rather give you indulgence to offer fasting from sexual intercourse for your sins and then act out some higher form of loving your wife? That is why I'm saying that the Pauline text to marry is better for sexual addicts, and it will really help them a lot. Using prostitutes or having a second wife is almost a question of being obedient to one's Catholic faith already and more than being a question whether marriage can stop sexual addiction. It is a choice of being married with your prostitute or your second wife or your real wife. Choosing the life offered by Jesus Christ is the fullness of life which is monogamous in nature. The blue print of what will really make us happy has already been established by our Creator in Jesus Christ. Nothing beats self-fulfillment, the fullness of life than half-truth. Marriage and love gives one more than sexual pleasure, but also tender loving care, etc., until death that both marriage partner part ways.

The question whether there is better healing process for sexual addiction than marriage is another concern than the above. The Pauline text is as we've said a Divinely inspired cure that necessitates in us almost the obedience of faith to crown it the number one solution to sexual addiction. Bringing it down as ineffective will ask the question "What then is the best cure for sexual addiction?", which will push us to seek and not find since we've overlook with disobedience what God is already giving us hint towards the healing of one's sexual addiction.

The question on the difference with strong sexual drive with sexual addiction can be ontologically solved easily that both will tend to marriage or should tend to marriage. Other culture and beliefs have set other solutions than marriage ennobled by Jesus Christ in the form of a sacrament. Some cultures has historically set up priestess to offer sexual intercourse as a form of religious worship. I cannot give you the complete solution for sexual addiction outside my Catholic faith then.

The question whether it should be obligatory then for sexual addicts to marry is of another kind. We should give emphasis to the value of free choice, a former sexual addict marrying not just for the maintenance of chastity but also and more so because he wants to marry this or that woman of a noble character. Homosexuals, on the other hand, if modern medicine can't yet cure their abnormal tendency, have to choose celibate loving, which depends on the gravity of their incapacity since other homosexuals do marry.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners!

Two Variations of Imagining at the Experiential Level

1. Imagining and somewhat enjoying the images as an end (art, music, video games, watching movies).

2. Imagining and realizing the images. This should be the full turnaround at repentance and forward progress of healing. I'm not saying that the first imagining above is not helpful, but even faith without work is dead. This should be tested at the easiest thing and trying to enjoy the realization, then somewhat putting some difficulty and then realizing it again until one has the confidence, and then a more challenging project images can be taken. However, as we have mentioned visualization technique drags the formed habit to slow down, which is counter-intuitive, and that as a rational animal, gifted with higher capacity than sensitivities, we are to use reason at full speed (not being dragged down by visualization techniques). Such is the case that we point to the Blessed Virgin Mary's question "What good can you easily do here and now?" as a complete step to starting and progressing further to your healing and holiness works.

Friday, December 14, 2018

The Difference Of Diabolical Temptations Against Chastity

I had been on this one week no relapse to impure thoughts rule with a bias towards asking the help of Our Lady always before any temptation even enters. Suddenly my peeing in the morning was used by the devil to stimulate my orgasm and suggested me my favorite sexual fantasies. It is not just an important medical recommendation to drink lots of water at daytime but not near your sleeping time or at night for kidney health but it's also important for our sexual continence. The devil would use every available physical imbalance in our body for example before any supernatural means as the medium to suggest a very pleasurable offer very difficult to decline from. You see the devil would not waste his time with anybody already addicted to sex, since just any carnal desires can trigger one without any attempt to resist. But the devil would be too worried already not to prolong any pure days since it is enough to start a new life of complete chastity.

The simple way to tell the difference that it is diabolical temptation against chastity already is only discerned by those who are living in chastity or even those who just repented with sincerity and started to live chaste lives. They can tell the difference since a call for help to Our Lady to resist the temptation easily merits for us a strength to stop any sexual fantasies, and also the complete assuaging of the temptation, and good activities replacing it. It's not yet the devil if you have not repented and still living an impure life. It is just you because you have decided to live a sinful life, and the devil is just simply laughing. If the devil is interfering, he will not make it very easy for you to nip temptations in the bud right after calling on Our Blessed Mother. The reaction then of the chaste is like a child tantrum to catch the attention of the mother. Simply continuing not to entertain the temptation and dismissing it while continually calling on Our Blessed Mother is very effective. No theology professor inside class hour should jest that even you put ten rosary on your hand and head and penis it would not make the temptation go away. Of course the proper way to do it is to pray the rosary fervently, but such joke can suggest the contrary to neophyte repentant sexual addicts unbeknownst to catechists. While grace is  outside the capacity of scientific measurement, simply achieving a no masturbation life for one month if your previous monitoring is an average of two masturbation per week, is already a great blessing to be thankful about from Our Blessed Mother.

Hail Mary full of Grace...pray for us sinners...!

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Delusion in Sexual Addiction

modified 21 September 2020
Required reading:

(The following and succeeding other articles discusses about sexual addiction and delusion without any physiologic causes or substance abuse related.)



You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free. -John 8:32

If there is anything best to motivate us from healing our sexual addiction completely, it is the thought of being set free, like a bird from a cage, from the chains and bondage of sexual addiction. I want to be free.

Jesus is the truth. He is not just about to set us free from ignorance, but from sin in all its form.

Sexual fantasies of sexual addicts become compulsive too not just the act that attains to orgasm. (That is why Catholic Tradition teaches to nip temptations in the bud. There should be no relapse to impure thoughts not just on the sinful act that ensues from it.) It becomes in time a self injected delusion. The fact is even the expert cannot easily differentiate normal delusion from what is psychotic already. And it's a very frightening fact. Read Part 1 of my unpublished book to differentiate recurrence from relapse. Recurrence being a continued temptations of the devil but you're not entertaining, and you just continue on with your life. Relapse is you gave in to the temptation, entertained it, and released your orgasm with your favorite sexual activity. In every recurrence you should use the simple question asked by Our Lady, "What good can you easily do here and now? Do it.", and every time the temptation repeats itself. The question is more of a moral question of what is good, it is not just a psychological technique, the good is in general term to be specified for your own personal life there and then.

So what?

"...Delusions are significant precisely because they make sense for the believer and are held to be evidentially true, often making them resistant to change...Given the proposed function of reconsolidation, in driving automaticity of behavior it is argued that in an aberrant prediction error system, delusional beliefs rapidly become inflexible habits." - [emphasis mine] Conclusion, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3016695/

As is often quoted of Aristotle, we don't just become what we repeatedly do, but "we are what we repeatedly do." This second nature is very frightening if vice becomes resistant to change or an inflexible habit, but a joy if virtue becomes very easy and fluid.

A normal human being then ought to rejoice in his gift of reason that simply knows what is true. We can identify persons for example with real delusional/paranoid disorder or psychosis if we know that what he/she is saying is just a lie which is only true for him/her. PsychCentral Encyclopedia of Psychology defines delusion below
 An unshakable theory or belief in something false and impossible, despite evidence to the contrary. Examples of some of the most common types of delusions are: Delusions of persecution or paranoia – Belief that others — often a vague “they” — are out to get him or her. https://psychcentral.com/encyclopedia/delusion/

Sexual addiction pushes this sexual fantasies to the delusional level to achieve higher level of satisfaction. To normal people a lie remains a lie however we lie to ourselves that it seems so good to be true. Thanks to our brain's great capacity to simply know what is true. And never loose that sanity. How? (The two means below are comparable to CBT's calm breathing and challenging your negative thinking for preventing relapse.) For us normal but sexual addicts, we know that our sexual fantasies are just simply pigments of our imagination and it is not true. As CBT often tells us, it is just our thought, and it may not necessarily be true always. Normally we verify first before we believe, but by sexual fantasies we tend to believe even though it isn't true since it is pleasurable, which is very dangerous to our sanity if it is in the addictive level.

1. If it is just a self-created delusion and not a real psychosis, sexual addiction then can be helped by Diaphragmatic Breathing Technique For Anxiety Sufferers which is taken up also by a journal The Phrenic Component of Acute Schizophrenia meaning if acute schizophrenic can be helped by stable cardio-respiratory function and respiratory physiology and autonomic function, then so much more will it help normal or just induced delusion. Why we can't control our addictions whatever it is? Perhaps because of air pollution we have forgotten our diaphragm breathing reflex when we were born and subconsciously adapted shallow breathing since if it is a 24 hour air pollution, 365 days a year, then habit can be formed. It's early to say clean air will be a key to controlling our addicted minds, and if we want to stop we will be able to stop simply, and live normal lives. It is enough for now to practice diaphragmatic breathing coupled by being physically active. How Exercise Can Help You Beat Addiction You may want to learn Tai Chi for Health if your body is too tired or you're too old for strenuous exercise and you need it for relapse prevention. Just make sure to never delve into the meditative or spiritual side of it as it might contradict our Catholic faith. (The human aura are pseudoscience while the Catholic belief about halo of saints for example are already spiritual not physical anymore, reminding us to be holy as Christ is holy not through esoteric means to achieve good Qi or Chakra.) We need though its breathing and physical act, the slow movement being unique and not present in other exercises or physical activities. The balancing and relaxation technique it implies is one of its kind. Take note though that it focuses on the movement not on the breathing which automatically adjusts itself, not the other way around like Wim Hof's hyperventilation technique for extreme necessity like extreme cold adaptation, or fighting depression during winter. I favor though Tai Chi since it is natural to the movement of the body and somewhat similar to the findings of the journal that cardio-respiratory stabilizing can be of help for delusion. However if you can't even do Tai Chi at the moment, perhaps diaphragmatic breathing is all that is left, while making up later for the physical exercise. In short be physically active. Deep breathing, Tai Chi are one of the easiest but you can progress further to whatever resources you have and your body longs for like swimming, hiking, or bodybuilding if you're fit and able. Both Wim Hof, and Tai Chi are out in the sun with nature, be outdoor and hike if you want.

2.  First of all be warned,
"In temptations against chastity, the spiritual masters advise us, not so much to contend with the bad thought, as to turn the mind to some spiritual, or, at least, indifferent object. It is useful to combat other bad thoughts face to face, but not thoughts of impurity."-http://www.traditionalcatholicpriest.com/2017/10/07/bad-thoughts-st-alphonsus/
I've learned about Rob Williams The Psychology of Change, and although Women of Grace tells that it is New Age and that its muscle testing a pseudo-science, I got some of its ideas. You'll realize you've interconnected all these wrong belief system to work against you and make you stay as a sexual addict. Hey, you've been nursing all these wrong belief system so that what you sexually fantasize will come to reality as your subconscious intention. You'll never amount to anything, you'll never find that girl you like, you'll never get married since you can't get enough finances for family life since you don't have good education and you can't even develop your career up to now because you wouldn't know what you really wanted to do in your life. For would be or rapist and perverts of all kinds, the inner script can be, "She's now being hooked by your subconscious suggestions. It'll be just days before she gives in to you" (of course you're sexually fantasizing about the wife of your neighbor which is immoral). Invite all these interlocking wrong belief or self-injected delusions, but stop the sexual fantasy elements, and then focus on the positive statement while the negative is challenging it like "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13)." "Finally, after challenging a negative thought and evaluating it more objectively, try to come up with an alternative thought that is more balanced and realistic." This of course will create a questioning environment prone to the temptations of the devil and you might find yourself entertaining the sexual fantasy elements rather than processing those wrong beliefs that triggers it. But by way of prayer, this kind of psycho-spiritual battle is won, and is outside the capacity of mere psychology. But relax because Jesus has overcome the world (John 16:33). It might not even be the devil and just your wrong belief you have subscribed to rather than to your Catholic faith. The devil doesn't bother with unrepentant sinners, and is just laughing at the sight of a sinner stumbling upon one's created blocks. Jesus is the Truth telling us to live chaste lives. Your marriage might not yet be coming but He is preparing something better than the marriage that you have in your mind. It might be that your neighbor's wife is fond of you because your wife tells her how good a husband you are. These thoughts being more than factual truths are the object delusional sexual addicts wants convoluted. A question "What good can you easily do here and now? Do it!" is being posed to get us back to reality squarely, in thought and in deed.

Supplemental Spiritual Explanation from Fr. Spitzer, Choose the date 2018-12-05, Finish and learn from his line of thought, why with this sexual perversions we have nowadays, we need supernatural help by receiving Jesus in the Holy Eucharist.
https://ewtn.com/frspitzersuniverse/index.asp


Continuing on our line of thought, what I've pounded here again and again is to act positively rather than just avoid evil. Focus on something you want to do with your life, what you are passionate about. And our behavioral modification task (or shall we say cognitive behavioral modification since you'll have to answer the question) starts very simply, "What good can you easily do here and now?" 

I can't find the quote but I think it's G.K. Chesterton who said that ideas make us think that we have done them already but in reality have not yet done anything at all. That's why a simple easy task is best to get us going. There is no limit rather to what good we can do, we just simply started it out. In their field of endeavors many can motivate us, an Arnold Schwarzenegger in body building, a Michael Jordan in basketball, a Michael Jackson in singing, a Steven Spielberg in filmaking, or even a Mark Zuckerberg in programming. They're focused on something good they want to do; they don't just stop evil or avoid sexual addiction because there is no joy in it. St. Thomas Aquinas wrote the Summa; he did not simply had an Angelic chastity belt and stopped there. Although we may not achieve the highness they have achieved our uniqueness, and the inspiration of simple everyday people doing good on local levels, are quiet as impressive if not as successful as others, rest assured that our small achievements in life is not dismissed by a loving God as insulting. Life is beautiful. Open yourself up to its experience, and never say that what only gives you pleasure is a sexual release.



Subconscious, in my opinion, are bundles of our habit and can be vicious or virtuous, philosophically speaking. Subconscious is not just wrong beliefs to be challenged by education. They are also sets of incapacity and lack of skill to be won by capacitation and training. Those things are all tackled up by good habit formation or virtuous living. Building good habits starts by way of doing it. The way they became a habit is that we repetitively did an act in the past, and it took time for these to become automatic, which will take time also to unlearn by using those vicious neuronal paths for virtuous acts. These psychological findings should also take up Ethics, so that it would not just want what the world wants but God's will. We can be nailed to the cross while doing what is good. It all enters into the science of theology where sin and grace is tackled up. What is good about Rob Williams processing is that it puts the devil into the open, questioning them rather than believing the lies, since you've been reentering sexual addiction and living with your delusions again. Then follow it with a reading of our literature on chastity. I leave though to your Catholic discretion how we repent, go to Confession, etc. In the spiritual battle there is this Woman who crushed the serpent's head. And in our Miraculous Medal prayer, she alone have destroyed all heresies (wrong beliefs or sinful lifestyle) in the world. Curing our sexual addiction psychologically alone while ditching the Blessed Virgin Mary's help as ineffective or mere fabrications puts us in the hand of a powerful enemy the devil a fallen angel whose intelligence is way above us.

Here is a balanced way of looking at fantasizing good things as part of our daily lives. The interview article suggest to outgrow some of the fantasies as unrealizable in this world as we age, but have to use some of our fantasies to get clues to our own advantage yet have to be careful though. However visualization techniques are so elementary and we are to remember that it is contained in our reasoning ability. Suffice it to remember St. John Paul IIs reminder to "trust in the power of human reason" and that "there is to be found the satisfying answer to every question as yet unanswered" (Art. 56, 17 Fides et Ratio) Thus in the question "What good can you easily do here and now?" such process of ethical thinking enlightened by faith has the primary obligation embedded in our daily lives compared to mere visualizations since reasoning already has incorporated in it the capacity to imagine. However for the sake of healing, we may have to use repeatedly visualizations as the need arise, so that healed and forgiven, all our senses can function normally again freed from the bondage of servitude. Further reflection though takes us to the idea that visualization drags the formed habit to slow down, and rather than help, formed habit becomes annoyed of it. Suffice it to use imagination as normally as we reason out (wholistically), in meditation, etc.

The final part of this article is about self-hypnosis. What I am about to redefine is just theoretical but can be proven true due to its firm basis. Here it is: Compulsion is negative self-hypnosis practiced so many times that it took already the form of habit, and a bad one. Before giving the link to self-hypnotherapy, if hypnosis has a pseudo-scientific meaning for you there are a lot of explanations out there what hypnosis is and what it is not, just google them. Here is a link to a short Catholic ethical guide to hypnosis. In short we are about to use self-hypnotherapy ethically here to combat sexual addiction. If you are a sexual addict or a repentant one then you belong to the population percentage more inclined to be hypnotized. You've been doing your sexual addiction for so long that perhaps it's time now to set ourselves free. I want to be free. I trust Jesus will heal me, and will bless me with good marriage to properly use this sexual capacity of mine worthily. Focus on the Cross where our Loving Lord died to save and heal us from our sinfulness. You may want to really believe in the positive affirmation you'll be using, since on the contrary as Marisa Peer explains to us that like the statement "My Boss is killing me" our mind's tendency is to believe it and kicks up the survival instinct making you so sick to go to work again. (Might as well couple Marisa Peer with some moderate realism unless positivism leads to nihilism when hard reality hits us according to St. John Paul II. It's a kind of thinking that is based on reality not just on what you believe is real. If the proposition is true, then it is real, and you should believe it even you don't want to, that which seems to be the position of Marisa Peers.) You might as well want to investigate self-hypnosis at bed before falling asleep as the best time to access and change the subconscious they say, and which should be guarded by us all to visualize good things we want to accomplish not the other way around like doing our sexual fantasizing that further pins down to the subconscious or delusional level our sexual lies. Please click on the link or download one of YouTube's self-hypnosis to stop sexual addiction, just review it first before permitting yourself to be hypnotized. Additional informations and warnings about hypnotherapy from Women of Grace


Steps to Self-Hypnosis
https://www.wikihow.com/Perform-Self-Hypnosis

Thus, I want to awaken in us our love for catholic meditation. There are a lot of traditions and variations out there. Special mention: If your praying the rosary as mere vocal prayer then you're doing it wrong. "A very important point is that the heart of the Rosary is not the repetition of these prayers, but our meditation upon the mysteries of the lives of Jesus and Mary during each decade."

Meditation has a double finality, one intellectual and the other affective and practical...According to theolgians, one can recite vocal prayer and even go to Mass and still remain in mortal sin.  But no one can meditate daily and remain in mortal sin. -https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/resources/prayers/how-to-pray/meditation/guide-to-meditation

A reading of the Word of God, a spiritual reading, a favorite verse, where we focus on one or two lines to remember and carry with us throughout the day according to St. John Vianney. This one or two lines are what touched us, the Spirit guiding us what to focus on for the day. Repeating the verse or statement that touched us all throughout the day is a kind of praying without ceasing, while you can apply this to your day that even the Focolare Movement of Chiara Lubich has proven is applicable in our daily concerns.

There you go the CBT technique explained and then synthetically done via self-hypnosis, but is actually one of our Catholic tradition of meditating on the Lord's Word. With a side thought that the subconscious is carried over to the conscious active life without dispensing the help of grace as unhelpful, such technique that we are doing traditionally may really already be beyond healing sexual addiction but it has the firm basis of being able to do so as we have elaborated here.

A final point I have not discussed here is from a newadvent.org link below which discusses compulsion as a form of Demonic obsession that needs deliverance though not exorcism.
http://blog.adw.org/2019/09/exorcism-or-deliverance/

Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal, pray for us!

Added 1 November 2022
Additional notes on the Silva Method:

Sunday, October 21, 2018

A Second Look at Gradual Modification

Part 1 on page 92 of my unpublished book discusses things about gradual modification and that I said there that it is not appropriate in all respect.

Here we are to discuss it anew against the science of behavioral modification namely in comparison with a non sinful behavior of coffee drinking. (With the moral principle that some acts are inherently evil like masturbation compared to coffee drinking which isn't evil, the latter on the other hand becomes evil by circumstances like drinking to excess or drinking at night when you already need to sleep. While moral principles states that through, for example, habit, moral culpability can be lessened, masturbation cannot become a good act unless by, for example, a special case of pressure that every hostage will be killed every hour if one will not masturbate live online to one's ill repute.)

It was effective to lessen one's caffeine from 400mg gradually to 300mg, and then 150mg, and then 100mg, to none if one feels not drinking caffeine, and do it without any withdrawal symptoms like migraine headache. There is nothing morally questionable in this. There are proofs rather that mild coffee drinking are a migraine remedy and helps combat liver cancer. It shows then that coffee drinking is a morally good act too.

However there is something questionable in the following. It may be effective to lessen one's masturbation from a natural base of 2.6x/week to 2x/week gradually up to none finally. Can the ultimate target of zero relapse validate the means? (Remember the moral principle that an end cannot justify the means.) If it is effective perhaps, even the Church will prescribe such behavioral modification.

But it isn't effective as I have already discussed on Part 1 link above. (This also motivate you to read my unpublished book as I have said that there are some pointers there not elaborated elsewhere here on my blog. I've included there on page 36 readings discussing the idea that by the grace of God you can simply stop sexual addiction. "To assert that someone who repeatedly commits mortal sins cannot respond to God’s grace and simply stop committing them, given willingness to stop, is to deny a defined truth of faith." WCC CMP 17 Ques F #6.) Even though sexual addiction is likened to cocaine addiction on brain scan, the difference between the two are worth investigating when it comes to gradual modification being effective for drug addiction in general. First and foremost is that cocaine is still a foreign object and drug addiction is inherently evil, while sexual orgasm is natural and when done inside the sacrament of marriage, is a morally good act.

So even at this second evaluation, I still uphold that gradual modification for sexual addiction is not appropriate in all respect.

What then is the difference between gradual behavioral modification vs. limiting one's relapse if waves of sexual addiction comes? The factor that differentiates the two is one's intention. Gradual behavioral modification tempts one to long for the said behavior, while the intention to never commit the said sinful behavior again for good asks on God's goodness to empower one to live up to it. Can one simply stop while I am on gradual modification? Even the question itself is out of logic. The living up of one's faith in purity is far more meritorious even I have only achieved a two day masturbation free life, compared to the other, achieving a free masturbation life in theory if I just gradually modify my sinful behavior. Can one then intend to not sin anymore while you can do it on a limit like only twice a week? You tell me. Besides, the defined truth of faith above is binding on all. Clinical trials focusing on doing easy good acts rather than just avoiding what is evil gradually is a recommended study. In short intending to not sin anymore even it just lasted for 24 hours is morally pure compared to intending to not sin anymore but with a cache of 2 times per week relapse only target that becomes morally impure even just in the intentional level.

If I may say, after all has been said above, I open up the topic that a real compulsive can use gradual modification, not as a moral consensus but as the only way a real compulsive can heal oneself completely. Since real compulsion is very difficult to establish upon oneself, it is of utmost importance to establish when did the sexual addiction started. Since my case started as a child of 3 to 5 years of age without remorse up till the said intercession of the Santo NiƱo when I was 11 years old but without any idea how to heal such compulsion, I give myself the benefit of the doubt that I contracted a real compulsion for the sake of example. However gradual modification is prone to abuse. How do I reevaluate if my compulsion is already healed? And let tomorrow take care of itself. Let go of the 3 or 2 times per week limit to your relapses, and live the present moment only. Let it go in the hands of our merciful Father. Let our original stand against gradual modification become final.
A religious who lived very close to St John Bosco was asked whether the Saint was ever worried in the midst of his countless works, in his sometimes tumultuous life. The religious replied in this manner: "Don Bosco never, not even a minute before, thought about what he was about to do a minute later." Don Bosco, who understood the action of grace, always sought to do the will of God in the present moment. And following this path he fulfilled his vocation. -https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/de-mattei-the-only-way-to-be-happy-is-to-live-a-holy-life

Continuation of this article can be read: Alternative vs Gradual Modification


Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Is It Love Addiction or Sexual Addiction?

We may never know the difference especially when there is a continuity between the two.

But more importantly as the Jesuits tell us, defining a thing starts correctly our journey.

This love addiction link teaches us why we can't move easily with our exes because the good memories are always being replayed in our memory and has similar effect to cocaine use. As such love addiction is a stumbling block to moving on if it is the appropriate thing for you to do. Nevertheless break ups don't have to leave you broken. Although I have grave incompatibility with my ex which is about religion, waiting for her to revert back to Catholicism, is almost an impossible task, that I have to go to Mass daily for it to happen (it's like we're outsmarting to attract sexually each other to give in to our separate religion), you might yourself want your ex back and Brad Browning has a quiz and advice if you still can win your ex back. (I don't agree completely though like with Brad Browning's suggested premarital sex idea that your girlfriend will be back with you in bed in no less time, so please discern and sift what is according to our Catholic faith.)

Now we as reforming sexual addicts know what sexual addiction is, which is not really love according to Dr. Patrick Carnes. You sexually fantasize other girls whom you don't have any romantic relations with, almost started, depraved, and perpetuated by pornography.

Sexually fantasizing your beloved though is a sin too but is in between love addiction and sexual addiction.

We are defining these things precisely so that we may be able to use the right cure for the right diagnosis. And just generalizing that you are a bad sexually perverted addicts, don't do much good, and actions for reform won't point us to the right direction.