The Difference Of Diabolical Temptations Against Chastity

I had been on this one week no relapse to impure thoughts rule with a bias towards asking the help of Our Lady always before any temptation even enters. Suddenly my peeing in the morning was used by the devil to stimulate my orgasm and suggested me my favorite sexual fantasies. It is not just an important medical recommendation to drink lots of water at daytime but not near your sleeping time or at night for kidney health but it's also important for our sexual continence. The devil would use every available physical imbalance in our body for example before any supernatural means as the medium to suggest a very pleasurable offer very difficult to decline from. You see the devil would not waste his time with anybody already addicted to sex, since just any carnal desires can trigger one without any attempt to resist. But the devil would be too worried already not to prolong any pure days since it is enough to start a new life of complete chastity.

The simple way to tell the difference that it is diabolical temptation against chastity already is only discerned by those who are living in chastity or even those who just repented with sincerity and started to live chaste lives. They can tell the difference since a call for help to Our Lady to resist the temptation easily merits for us a strength to stop any sexual fantasies, and also the complete assuaging of the temptation, and good activities replacing it. It's not yet the devil if you have not repented and still living an impure life. It is just you because you have decided to live a sinful life, and the devil is just simply laughing. If the devil is interfering, he will not make it very easy for you to nip temptations in the bud right after calling on Our Blessed Mother. The reaction then of the chaste is like a child tantrum to catch the attention of the mother. Simply continuing not to entertain the temptation and dismissing it while continually calling on Our Blessed Mother is very effective. No theology professor inside class hour should jest that even you put ten rosary on your hand and head and penis it would not make the temptation go away. Of course the proper way to do it is to pray the rosary fervently, but such joke can suggest the contrary to neophyte repentant sexual addicts unbeknownst to catechists. While grace is  outside the capacity of scientific measurement, simply achieving a no masturbation life for one month if your previous monitoring is an average of two masturbation per week, is already a great blessing to be thankful about from Our Blessed Mother.

Hail Mary full of Grace...pray for us sinners...!

Delusion in Sexual Addiction

modified 21 September 2020

Required reading:

Letter to the Bishops on Some Aspects of Christian Meditation

(The following and succeeding other articles discusses about sexual addiction and delusion without any physiologic causes or substance abuse related.)



You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free. -John 8:32

If there is anything best to motivate us from healing our sexual addiction completely, it is the thought of being set free, like a bird from a cage, from the chains and bondage of sexual addiction. I want to be free.

Jesus is the truth. He is not just about to set us free from ignorance, but from sin in all its form.

Sexual fantasies of sexual addicts become compulsive too not just the act that attains to orgasm. (That is why Catholic Tradition teaches to nip temptations in the bud. There should be no relapse to impure thoughts not just on the sinful act that ensues from it.) It becomes in time a self injected delusion. The fact is even the expert cannot easily differentiate normal delusion from what is psychotic already. And it's a very frightening fact. Read Part 1 of my unpublished book to differentiate recurrence from relapse. Recurrence being a continued temptations of the devil but you're not entertaining, and you just continue on with your life. Relapse is you gave in to the temptation, entertained it, and released your orgasm with your favorite sexual activity. In every recurrence you should use the simple question asked by Our Lady, "What good can you easily do here and now? Do it.", and every time the temptation repeats itself. The question is more of a moral question of what is good, it is not just a psychological technique, the good is in general term to be specified for your own personal life there and then.

So what?

"...Delusions are significant precisely because they make sense for the believer and are held to be evidentially true, often making them resistant to change...Given the proposed function of reconsolidation, in driving automaticity of behavior it is argued that in an aberrant prediction error system, delusional beliefs rapidly become inflexible habits." - [emphasis mine] Conclusion, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3016695/

As is often quoted of Aristotle, we don't just become what we repeatedly do, but "we are what we repeatedly do." This second nature is very frightening if vice becomes resistant to change or an inflexible habit, but a joy if virtue becomes very easy and fluid.

A normal human being then ought to rejoice in his gift of reason that simply knows what is true. We can identify persons for example with real delusional/paranoid disorder or psychosis if we know that what he/she is saying is just a lie which is only true for him/her. PsychCentral Encyclopedia of Psychology defines delusion below

 An unshakable theory or belief in something false and impossible, despite evidence to the contrary. Examples of some of the most common types of delusions are: Delusions of persecution or paranoia – Belief that others — often a vague “they” — are out to get him or her. https://psychcentral.com/encyclopedia/delusion/

Sexual addiction pushes this sexual fantasies to the delusional level to achieve higher level of satisfaction. To normal people a lie remains a lie however we lie to ourselves that it seems so good to be true. Thanks to our brain's great capacity to simply know what is true. And never loose that sanity. How? (The two means below are comparable to CBT's calm breathing and challenging your negative thinking for preventing relapse.) For us normal but sexual addicts, we know that our sexual fantasies are just simply pigments of our imagination and it is not true. As CBT often tells us, it is just our thought, and it may not necessarily be true always. Normally we verify first before we believe, but by sexual fantasies we tend to believe even though it isn't true since it is pleasurable, which is very dangerous to our sanity if it is in the addictive level.

1. If it is just a self-created delusion and not a real psychosis, sexual addiction then can be helped by Diaphragmatic Breathing Technique For Anxiety Sufferers which is taken up also by a journal The Phrenic Component of Acute Schizophrenia meaning if acute schizophrenic can be helped by stable cardio-respiratory function and respiratory physiology and autonomic function, then so much more will it help normal or just induced delusion. Why we can't control our addictions whatever it is? Perhaps because of air pollution we have forgotten our diaphragm breathing reflex when we were born and subconsciously adapted shallow breathing since if it is a 24 hour air pollution, 365 days a year, then habit can be formed. It's early to say clean air will be a key to controlling our addicted minds, and if we want to stop we will be able to stop simply, and live normal lives. It is enough for now to practice diaphragmatic breathing coupled by being physically active. How Exercise Can Help You Beat Addiction You may want to learn Tai Chi for Health if your body is too tired or you're too old for strenuous exercise and you need it for relapse prevention. Just make sure to never delve into the meditative or spiritual side of it as it might contradict our Catholic faith. (The human aura are pseudoscience while the Catholic belief about halo of saints for example are already spiritual not physical anymore, reminding us to be holy as Christ is holy not through esoteric means to achieve good Qi or Chakra.) We need though its breathing and physical act, the slow movement being unique and not present in other exercises or physical activities. The balancing and relaxation technique it implies is one of its kind. Take note though that it focuses on the movement not on the breathing which automatically adjusts itself, not the other way around like Wim Hof's hyperventilation technique for extreme necessity like extreme cold adaptation, or fighting depression during winter. I favor though Tai Chi since it is natural to the movement of the body and somewhat similar to the findings of the journal that cardio-respiratory stabilizing can be of help for delusion. However if you can't even do Tai Chi at the moment, perhaps diaphragmatic breathing is all that is left, while making up later for the physical exercise. In short be physically active. Deep breathing, Tai Chi are one of the easiest but you can progress further to whatever resources you have and your body longs for like swimming, hiking, or bodybuilding if you're fit and able. Both Wim Hof, and Tai Chi are out in the sun with nature, be outdoor and hike if you want.

2.  First of all be warned,

"In temptations against chastity, the spiritual masters advise us, not so much to contend with the bad thought, as to turn the mind to some spiritual, or, at least, indifferent object. It is useful to combat other bad thoughts face to face, but not thoughts of impurity."-http://www.traditionalcatholicpriest.com/2017/10/07/bad-thoughts-st-alphonsus/

I've learned about Rob Williams The Psychology of Change, and although Women of Grace tells that it is New Age and that its muscle testing a pseudo-science, I got some of its ideas. You'll realize you've interconnected all these wrong belief system to work against you and make you stay as a sexual addict. Hey, you've been nursing all these wrong belief system so that what you sexually fantasize will come to reality as your subconscious intention. You'll never amount to anything, you'll never find that girl you like, you'll never get married since you can't get enough finances for family life since you don't have good education and you can't even develop your career up to now because you wouldn't know what you really wanted to do in your life. For would be or rapist and perverts of all kinds, the inner script can be, "She's now being hooked by your subconscious suggestions. It'll be just days before she gives in to you" (of course you're sexually fantasizing about the wife of your neighbor which is immoral). Invite all these interlocking wrong belief or self-injected delusions, but stop the sexual fantasy elements, and then focus on the positive statement while the negative is challenging it like "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13)." "Finally, after challenging a negative thought and evaluating it more objectively, try to come up with an alternative thought that is more balanced and realistic." This of course will create a questioning environment prone to the temptations of the devil and you might find yourself entertaining the sexual fantasy elements rather than processing those wrong beliefs that triggers it. But by way of prayer, this kind of psycho-spiritual battle is won, and is outside the capacity of mere psychology. But relax because Jesus has overcome the world (John 16:33). It might not even be the devil and just your wrong belief you have subscribed to rather than to your Catholic faith. The devil doesn't bother with unrepentant sinners, and is just laughing at the sight of a sinner stumbling upon one's created blocks. Jesus is the Truth telling us to live chaste lives. Your marriage might not yet be coming but He is preparing something better than the marriage that you have in your mind. It might be that your neighbor's wife is fond of you because your wife tells her how good a husband you are. These thoughts being more than factual truths are the object delusional sexual addicts wants convoluted. A question "What good can you easily do here and now? Do it!" is being posed to get us back to reality squarely, in thought and in deed.

Supplemental Spiritual Explanation from Fr. Spitzer, Choose the date 2018-12-05, Finish and learn from his line of thought, why with this sexual perversions we have nowadays, we need supernatural help by receiving Jesus in the Holy Eucharist.

Continuing on our line of thought, what I've pounded here again and again is to act positively rather than just avoid evil. Focus on something you want to do with your life, what you are passionate about. And our behavioral modification task (or shall we say cognitive behavioral modification since you'll have to answer the question) starts very simply, "What good can you easily do here and now?" 

I can't find the quote but I think it's G.K. Chesterton who said that ideas make us think that we have done them already but in reality have not yet done anything at all. That's why a simple easy task is best to get us going. There is no limit rather to what good we can do, we just simply started it out. In their field of endeavors many can motivate us, an Arnold Schwarzenegger in body building, a Michael Jordan in basketball, a Michael Jackson in singing, a Steven Spielberg in filmaking, or even a Mark Zuckerberg in programming. They're focused on something good they want to do; they don't just stop evil or avoid sexual addiction because there is no joy in it. St. Thomas Aquinas wrote the Summa; he did not simply had an Angelic chastity belt and stopped there. Although we may not achieve the highness they have achieved our uniqueness, and the inspiration of simple everyday people doing good on local levels, are quiet as impressive if not as successful as others, rest assured that our small achievements in life is not dismissed by a loving God as insulting. Life is beautiful. Open yourself up to its experience, and never say that what only gives you pleasure is a sexual release.

Subconscious, in my opinion, are bundles of our habit and can be vicious or virtuous, philosophically speaking. Subconscious is not just wrong beliefs to be challenged by education. They are also sets of incapacity and lack of skill to be won by capacitation and training. Those things are all tackled up by good habit formation or virtuous living. Building good habits starts by way of doing it. The way they became a habit is that we repetitively did an act in the past, and it took time for these to become automatic, which will take time also to unlearn by using those vicious neuronal paths for virtuous acts. These psychological findings should also take up Ethics, so that it would not just want what the world wants but God's will. We can be nailed to the cross while doing what is good. It all enters into the science of theology where sin and grace is tackled up. What is good about Rob Williams processing is that it puts the devil into the open, questioning them rather than believing the lies, since you've been reentering sexual addiction and living with your delusions again. Then follow it with a reading of our literature on chastity. I leave though to your Catholic discretion how we repent, go to Confession, etc. In the spiritual battle there is this Woman who crushed the serpent's head. And in our Miraculous Medal prayer, she alone have destroyed all heresies (wrong beliefs or sinful lifestyle) in the world. Curing our sexual addiction psychologically alone while ditching the Blessed Virgin Mary's help as ineffective or mere fabrications puts us in the hand of a powerful enemy the devil a fallen angel whose intelligence is way above us.

Here is a balanced way of looking at fantasizing good things as part of our daily lives. The interview article suggest to outgrow some of the fantasies as unrealizable in this world as we age, but have to use some of our fantasies to get clues to our own advantage yet have to be careful though. However visualization techniques are so elementary and we are to remember that it is contained in our reasoning ability. Suffice it to remember St. John Paul IIs reminder to "trust in the power of human reason" and that "there is to be found the satisfying answer to every question as yet unanswered" (Art. 56, 17 Fides et Ratio) Thus in the question "What good can you easily do here and now?" such process of ethical thinking enlightened by faith has the primary obligation embedded in our daily lives compared to mere visualizations since reasoning already has incorporated in it the capacity to imagine. However for the sake of healing, we may have to use repeatedly visualizations as the need arise, so that healed and forgiven, all our senses can function normally again freed from the bondage of servitude. Further reflection though takes us to the idea that visualization drags the formed habit to slow down, and rather than help, formed habit becomes annoyed of it. Suffice it to use imagination as normally as we reason out (wholistically), in meditation, etc.

The final part of this article is about self-hypnosis. What I am about to redefine is just theoretical but can be proven true due to its firm basis. Here it is: Compulsion is negative self-hypnosis practiced so many times that it took already the form of habit, and a bad one. Before giving the link to self-hypnotherapy, if hypnosis has a pseudo-scientific meaning for you there are a lot of explanations out there what hypnosis is and what it is not, just google them. Here is a link to a short Catholic ethical guide to hypnosis. In short we are about to use self-hypnotherapy ethically here to combat sexual addiction. If you are a sexual addict or a repentant one then you belong to the population percentage more inclined to be hypnotized. You've been doing your sexual addiction for so long that perhaps it's time now to set ourselves free. I want to be free. I trust Jesus will heal me, and will bless me with good marriage to properly use this sexual capacity of mine worthily. Focus on the Cross where our Loving Lord died to save and heal us from our sinfulness. You may want to really believe in the positive affirmation you'll be using, since on the contrary as Marisa Peer explains to us that like the statement "My Boss is killing me" our mind's tendency is to believe it and kicks up the survival instinct making you so sick to go to work again. (Might as well couple Marisa Peer with some moderate realism unless positivism leads to nihilism when hard reality hits us according to St. John Paul II. It's a kind of thinking that is based on reality not just on what you believe is real. If the proposition is true, then it is real, and you should believe it even you don't want to, that which seems to be the position of Marisa Peers.) You might as well want to investigate self-hypnosis at bed before falling asleep as the best time to access and change the subconscious they say, and which should be guarded by us all to visualize good things we want to accomplish not the other way around like doing our sexual fantasizing that further pins down to the subconscious or delusional level our sexual lies. Please click on the link or download one of YouTube's self-hypnosis to stop sexual addiction, just review it first before permitting yourself to be hypnotized. Additional informations and warnings about hypnotherapy from Women of Grace


Steps to Self-Hypnosis

Thus, I want to awaken in us our love for catholic meditation. There are a lot of traditions and variations out there. Special mention: If your praying the rosary as mere vocal prayer then you're doing it wrong. "A very important point is that the heart of the Rosary is not the repetition of these prayers, but our meditation upon the mysteries of the lives of Jesus and Mary during each decade."

Meditation has a double finality, one intellectual and the other affective and practical...According to theolgians, one can recite vocal prayer and even go to Mass and still remain in mortal sin.  But no one can meditate daily and remain in mortal sin. -https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/resources/prayers/how-to-pray/meditation/guide-to-meditation

A reading of the Word of God, a spiritual reading, a favorite verse, where we focus on one or two lines to remember and carry with us throughout the day according to St. John Vianney. This one or two lines are what touched us, the Spirit guiding us what to focus on for the day. Repeating the verse or statement that touched us all throughout the day is a kind of praying without ceasing, while you can apply this to your day that even the Focolare Movement of Chiara Lubich has proven is applicable in our daily concerns.

There you go the CBT technique explained and then synthetically done via self-hypnosis, but is actually one of our Catholic tradition of meditating on the Lord's Word. With a side thought that the subconscious is carried over to the conscious active life without dispensing the help of grace as unhelpful, such technique that we are doing traditionally may really already be beyond healing sexual addiction but it has the firm basis of being able to do so as we have elaborated here.

A final point I have not discussed here is from a newadvent.org link below which discusses compulsion as a form of Demonic obsession that needs deliverance though not exorcism.

Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal, pray for us!

Added 1 November 2022

Additional notes on the Silva Method:

https://www.womenofgrace.com/blog/85

https://www.ncregister.com/news/father-belitz-new-age-exponent-or-faithfully-catholic

A Second Look at Gradual Modification

Part 1 on page 92 of my unpublished book discusses things about gradual modification and that I said there that it is not appropriate in all respect.

Here we are to discuss it anew against the science of behavioral modification namely in comparison with a non sinful behavior of coffee drinking. (With the moral principle that some acts are inherently evil like masturbation compared to coffee drinking which isn't evil, the latter on the other hand becomes evil by circumstances like drinking to excess or drinking at night when you already need to sleep. While moral principles states that through, for example, habit, moral culpability can be lessened, masturbation cannot become a good act unless by, for example, a special case of pressure that every hostage will be killed every hour if one will not masturbate live online to one's ill repute.)

It was effective to lessen one's caffeine from 400mg gradually to 300mg, and then 150mg, and then 100mg, to none if one feels not drinking caffeine, and do it without any withdrawal symptoms like migraine headache. There is nothing morally questionable in this. There are proofs rather that mild coffee drinking are a migraine remedy and helps combat liver cancer. It shows then that coffee drinking is a morally good act too.

However there is something questionable in the following. It may be effective to lessen one's masturbation from a natural base of 2.6x/week to 2x/week gradually up to none finally. Can the ultimate target of zero relapse validate the means? (Remember the moral principle that an end cannot justify the means.) If it is effective perhaps, even the Church will prescribe such behavioral modification.

But it isn't effective as I have already discussed on Part 1 link above. (This also motivate you to read my unpublished book as I have said that there are some pointers there not elaborated elsewhere here on my blog. I've included there on page 36 readings discussing the idea that by the grace of God you can simply stop sexual addiction. "To assert that someone who repeatedly commits mortal sins cannot respond to God’s grace and simply stop committing them, given willingness to stop, is to deny a defined truth of faith." WCC CMP 17 Ques F #6.) Even though sexual addiction is likened to cocaine addiction on brain scan, the difference between the two are worth investigating when it comes to gradual modification being effective for drug addiction in general. First and foremost is that cocaine is still a foreign object and drug addiction is inherently evil, while sexual orgasm is natural and when done inside the sacrament of marriage, is a morally good act.

So even at this second evaluation, I still uphold that gradual modification for sexual addiction is not appropriate in all respect.

What then is the difference between gradual behavioral modification vs. limiting one's relapse if waves of sexual addiction comes? The factor that differentiates the two is one's intention. Gradual behavioral modification tempts one to long for the said behavior, while the intention to never commit the said sinful behavior again for good asks on God's goodness to empower one to live up to it. Can one simply stop while I am on gradual modification? Even the question itself is out of logic. The living up of one's faith in purity is far more meritorious even I have only achieved a two day masturbation free life, compared to the other, achieving a free masturbation life in theory if I just gradually modify my sinful behavior. Can one then intend to not sin anymore while you can do it on a limit like only twice a week? You tell me. Besides, the defined truth of faith above is binding on all. Clinical trials focusing on doing easy good acts rather than just avoiding what is evil gradually is a recommended study. In short intending to not sin anymore even it just lasted for 24 hours is morally pure compared to intending to not sin anymore but with a cache of 2 times per week relapse only target that becomes morally impure even just in the intentional level.

If I may say, after all has been said above, I open up the topic that a real compulsive can use gradual modification, not as a moral consensus but as the only way a real compulsive can heal oneself completely. Since real compulsion is very difficult to establish upon oneself, it is of utmost importance to establish when did the sexual addiction started. Since my case started as a child of 3 to 5 years of age without remorse up till the said intercession of the Santo Niño when I was 11 years old but without any idea how to heal such compulsion, I give myself the benefit of the doubt that I contracted a real compulsion for the sake of example. However gradual modification is prone to abuse. How do I reevaluate if my compulsion is already healed? And let tomorrow take care of itself. Let go of the 3 or 2 times per week limit to your relapses, and live the present moment only. Let it go in the hands of our merciful Father. Let our original stand against gradual modification become final.

A religious who lived very close to St John Bosco was asked whether the Saint was ever worried in the midst of his countless works, in his sometimes tumultuous life. The religious replied in this manner: "Don Bosco never, not even a minute before, thought about what he was about to do a minute later." Don Bosco, who understood the action of grace, always sought to do the will of God in the present moment. And following this path he fulfilled his vocation. -https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/de-mattei-the-only-way-to-be-happy-is-to-live-a-holy-life

Continuation of this article can be read: Alternative vs Gradual Modification

Is It Love Addiction or Sexual Addiction?

We may never know the difference especially when there is a continuity between the two.

But more importantly as the Jesuits tell us, defining a thing starts correctly our journey.

This love addiction link teaches us why we can't move easily with our exes because the good memories are always being replayed in our memory and has similar effect to cocaine use. As such love addiction is a stumbling block to moving on if it is the appropriate thing for you to do. Nevertheless break ups don't have to leave you broken. Although I have grave incompatibility with my ex which is about religion, waiting for her to revert back to Catholicism, is almost an impossible task, that I have to go to Mass daily for it to happen (it's like we're outsmarting to attract sexually each other to give in to our separate religion), you might yourself want your ex back and Brad Browning has a quiz and advice if you still can win your ex back. (I don't agree completely though like with Brad Browning's suggested premarital sex idea that your girlfriend will be back with you in bed in no less time, so please discern and sift what is according to our Catholic faith.)

Now we as reforming sexual addicts know what sexual addiction is, which is not really love according to Dr. Patrick Carnes. You sexually fantasize other girls whom you don't have any romantic relations with, almost started, depraved, and perpetuated by pornography.

Sexually fantasizing your beloved though is a sin too but is in between love addiction and sexual addiction.

We are defining these things precisely so that we may be able to use the right cure for the right diagnosis. And just generalizing that you are a bad sexually perverted addicts, don't do much good, and actions for reform won't point us to the right direction.
 

The Product Rather of Failed Relationships: Wish to Die Already or Suicide and Sexual Addiction

It was her absence due to our grave incompatibility that made me sank again into sexual addiction.

I wished always to die already and do not find life worth living anymore. But I am not suicidal of course. Others though take their life because of this intense loneliness they don't want to feel anymore.

Moving on is very easy to tell and enumerate its how to steps. My actual detachment with my failed future wife was made very difficult since I was fantasizing her and masturbating with her imagined presence and future life. So my advice to befriend without any kind of sex outside marriage your future wife, and put on your full hope only when you're already married.

It is better not to marry if you can control yourself, the other Pauline concessional advice. (see 1 Cor. 7:1-16)

How do I know if I can control myself? My being a former repentant and still struggling sexual addiction tells that I cannot. But do I have to marry?

If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong^[b] and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. ³⁷ But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. ³⁸ So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better. 1 Cor. 7:36-38

So now you know the answer. And detachment, even to us former repentant sexual addicts who is on the state of life we call temporary singlehood, is very badly needed to be able to combat sexual addiction and live the grace of chastity. I have decided to control myself due to grave incompatibilities that me and my girlfriend have and the circumstances laid by St. Paul above seems not to be present also.

Remaining chaste is the answer even in your loneliness, and for this to become bearable, any kind of sexual acting out outside marriage is to be stopped. I have discussed this in my book what to do to remain chaste in your singlehood. Pray that God might enter you already into marriage, but do not worry nor fret about God acting too slowly. God's time will come. Rather persevere in praying and it will be given thee.

St. Monica, St. Augustine, pray for us single repentant sexual addicts!

Process your brokenheartedness rather than cope by giving in again to sexual addiction.
http://trulyrichclub.com/onetrueloveclub/wholehearted/

A Reminder to the LGBT Communities And To Those Fighting For Their Equal Rights

See reference: Is there a hormonal basis for human homosexuality?

"Homosexuals are born from normal pregnancies and do normally not suffer from sexual differentiation disorders. That being so, they miraculously develop a same-sex orientation."

My older cousin told me not to go with the effeminate since it will make me effeminate. That was a very timely reminder when I was growing up and looking for male role model. So I stopped from a conscious realization that I was indeed already mimicking how my effeminate role model was running with a woman's hip bouncing.  A horror that homosexuality is psychological most often. I was saved by God from this homosexual tendency to which many of our brothers and sisters suffer. They could have been victims of homosexual guardians during their childhood, or could have been conditioned by their unmindful parents to wear and play toys of the opposite sex with applause up to their adult age! And so I do not condemn them as more sinful since the plight that was given them was more burdensome. Porns are out there with men eroticised with their fellow men, which means their sexual organs are working properly erected just with the wrong stimulus in their mind.

The Catholic Church does not condemn effeminacy though, but the danger I point above should be heeded. As a result of which, every sin is denounced while our Lord saves the person. We look down on men with two wives or a womanizer as much as we look down on same sex married people. Sodom and Gomorrah has been created by God on such horrific terms to remind humanity always what kind of sin homosexuality is. If homosexuality is a psychological role modeling, how unfortunate would be humanities future, if we will continue on the destructive path of both male parents rearing male children. A homosexual tendency then is a bit more of a challenge since they can't practice the desire compared to heterosexuals without sinning. Heterosexuals can marry just like me a repentant sexual addict, but my counterpart homosexual brothers and sisters would fall into sin by marrying their same sex. The challenge is to look for healing to straighten up their psychological preference, not to give up the fight, and hope that the future can find them a better solution not to transplant their sexual organs but to finally be attracted to the right person--their opposite sex. Thus they can heed the counsel of St. Paul to marry than burn with passion.

Homosexual addiction then can be coined and thus can subscribe to my blog for healing.

I have relatives and friends who are homosexuals, and I relate to them just like to normal people, a psychological technique we apply to our disabled brethren as well in order not to be pitied. But with temptations to their being that you are to them, some space has to be put in place, similar with an unmarried man to an unmarried woman, an etiquette of modesty should be in place. This is not called discrimination, because I find them more capable than my blind or polio-crippled friend, but I discriminate whom to be attracted with, which they may feel remorse for, since I choose to be attracted and is naturally attracted to beautiful marriageable women. 

St. Augustine, pray for us!

Failed Relationships--A Product of Sexual Addiction?

Is my failed or discontinued or terminated relationship a product or an effect of my former or lingering sexual addiction?

It does not follow. As long as you're repentant and reforming former sexual addicts, who is continuing your healing process, God can and will save you from catastrophic relationships.

Then how do I know. Simply put, if the separation of non-married romantic partners (note that divorce is sinful) is borne out of love, the reasons valid, then such separation is not a product nor an effect of your former sexual addiction.

There are lots of reasons that can end a blooming relationship. Perhaps the male partner lied that he has no alcohol or smoking problem to which the female partner started to love her but found out the truth later on, while he insisted he has no problem and didn't enter an addiction program adamantly. Perhaps feelings for each other have been established already, acquainted with each other, but did not put forth for discussion one's religious preferences which only later opened up, which built up to hostilities with each others convictions. Believe me these partners will lastly surrender their feelings for each other due to reasons of love for the other, for the good of the partner, with all of one's best intention for the other, that only separation can start its fruition. Though goodbyes will formally start the separation, letting your yes be yes and your no a no, no scruples of former sexual addictions should stop these valid goodbye process.

Our Blessed Mother assumed into heaven, pray for us sinners!

How Should SA Look for a Wife (Miscellaneous Advices)

Updated 20 August 2018

First of all, I can't exactly speak for those looking for a husband, but generally the points below can be applied to them as well. Secondly, I assume that you are already prepared for marriage. Thirdly these are general advices which may not be applicable for your situation, or applicable but your situation merits a good exemption.

1. Don't include minors on your prospective wife. Why? Because they can't say yes to a commitment yet. Although a college or 18 years old girl has entered the age of reason, the age where their body adjusts and they start to think about having a partner or living as a single temporarily or permanently, statistics show that only at age 24 do they have a good chance and success at entering such marital commitment. These mature age and up should have given them the capacity to compromise these goals to make up for a life with you. Although at age 18 exceptions to this rule can be already an option, listen to me. If you court a girl of age 18 and she is committed to finishing her studies, and have ambitions and dreams she likes pursuing, you might end up marrying her but frustrating her goals and blaming you or end up saying no to your proposal. If you like to befriend her only, then let it be that way without any hoping on your part that she will be your wife, which is a great risk on your part, being that you have to take care of your emotional life and should not put yourself on the brink of loneliness. Think again that you, if you're already 25 years old have enjoyed a life of studies and career pursuit without being dragged down by romantic heartaches. Would you not give her that advantage too that you enjoyed and not bother her life? These are yours to think about if you'll be entering that exception to the rule. Besides even she surely is developing a crush on you, let her be, but don't court her, she might just like you but cannot yet enter a commitment. So your only option is befriending without any kind of romancing really. Then why not look for other girls already capable of giving that yes or commitment to you or 4 years after. Remember that you are not a robot who doesn't have feeling that gets hurt. Don't lie to yourself, if you are really already looking for a wife or girlfriend, then look for one who can give that yes already to you. You'll then have a better rate of success than heartache.

2. Don't include women who have a different religion than yours. Catholics should marry Catholics, Muslims to Muslims, Protestants to Protestants, etc. Let it be clear when you are a Catholic for example and you will be courting a girl who are not a Catholic, that you would like to raise Catholic children which needs a Catholic mother of course, a change of religion on her part, and not a simple decision to make. Let her choice be done in freedom, not just because she loves you. Loving another alien religion on her part takes time. And even though she's a previous Catholic, if her convictions have changed deeply, reverting back is not a simple banana-or-apple-for-a-snack choice. If you can't capitalize on such risk or possible denial of your proposal then look for a woman of your own religion already. Don't plan to make her fall in love with you badly before telling her first you like her to join your religion. You'll end up crushing her plans in life later, and you regretting that move because you've hurt her big time if she in the end can't give that commitment to your religion. Mixed marriages are mostly discouraged, since it will hamper the simple practice of faith of the children, who might end up lukewarmly believing in God since they can't understand at their early age why their family goes to two churches and believes two different things on some or many points. If you're a Catholic for example and you believe in your faith, then you might as well want to pass it on to your children. Believing otherwise is lack of faith on your part. Besides proselytism is discouraged and even named as sinful by Pope Francis especially to fellow Christians. Though evangelizing others is a different thing, we are to attract others by living the Gospel, and if questioned only, by explaining to them respectfully the things they want to know about. Otherwise, we are to avoid discussing about religion or just discuss things common only to you and your friend's faith, like Adventist believes in the Trinity with the Catholics which is a safe thing to discuss albeit indirectly. There are a lot of things to talk about on common ground like human values, politics if you have similar views, business, raising children, etc. So with these in mind, would you still include women of other religion on your choice of a wife? Play fair with her and state your preference for your religion.

3. Don't say I love you too early. As former sexual addicts inclined at imagining one's beloved sexually, the psychological effects of being attached already is almost perfect yet it is a one way street. It  takes two to tango rather. And a perfect development of attachment means developing it with each other at the same time, not to mention that what I advice (Pauline) here as curative of sexual addiction is real marriage not imagined. The effect is alienating that she would think to herself, "Where on earth does this man courting me found his love for me this early?" You will at the same time go crazy from being depressed to hopeless due to stimulating yourself sexually without any hope of union with the beloved be it in the remote, proximate, or immediate preparation for marriage. Only a married honeymooning couple for example should stimulate themselves. Since, as we've said here, married people not with each other should not stimulate themselves away from each other because the act of sexual intercourse isn't possible at the said time for whatever reason. But how would the consummation of marriage come to reality for a yet courting male individual who is sexually fantasizing of her beloved, if for a reason or two, or worse, courting should stop due to for example the rejection of commitment, realization of incompatibilities, etc. Any kind of sexual activity outside of marriage is sinful. And do your sanity a favor by just courting but not sexually fantasizing about your beloved. Take note too that sex before marriage is sinful also. If any reason to stop the courting arises then detachment will be easy. But for those practicing any kind of sexual fantasizing of her beloved, detaching one's self to someone he is courting, if valid reasons are found, will be almost similar to the hell of divorce.

4. Negotiables and non-negotiables for a future wife
With my youth and foolishness past my age, I surely can tell my stories of incorrect non-negotiables. My first non-negotiables were height and pointed nose with small oval noseholes (what a foolish limitation). At this non-married senior age of mine, the only non-negotiables left is being a catholic with a noble character. To the youth I say, don't let this bodily beauty you desire or prefer to be the primary criterion of your sexual choice of a wife. Yes, you know what looks of a girl are your type. But the Bible is clear in its primary basis of testing a future wife--nobility of character. Consider Proverbs 31:10-31 with a focus on passage 30 "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Consider how Rebecca was tested by Eliezer, though he might have seen Rebecca's physical beauty first ("The woman was very beautiful,...Gen.24:16), that alone would have rendered her unqualified if she did not passed Eliezer's test. If you find yourself with two options the other girl being less physically beautiful but has more noble characters than the other, and they are both your type, then please pray that you may see and experience the beauty of a noble character. You don't yet get it? Then watch your favorite teleseries and look at those physically beautiful villains, why your blood boils rather than be turned on by their beauty.

A Short Story
I narrowed down my choice of whom to court up to three contenders who might possibly be living a noble life. After some simple initial background check and observation, I chose the most beautiful among them, my type of girl. But how did I stumbled back to my secondarily ranked choice? (Take note first that the three are my type of girl.) The second contender revealed herself to me with characters of a noble kind. She's happy with life, friendly with both her colleagues and cousins, doesn't care with how others will talk about her as long as she's doing her work fine, honest with her feelings, showing diligence, unambiguous, a leader, and firm in her beliefs. A kind of character set I rarely see among girls today. And when we started communicating, I found myself too attracted to her that I'm so sure that I really liked her a lot despite my first impression that she's secondary only with regard to her looks. Such is what you should consider unlike my other experience of seeing too-beautiful-to-be-true-girls that I consider 100% my type of girl before she opened her mouth, and obnoxious words started to deface my strongest of infatuations.

5. A practical advice. Those who are nearsighted should go to an optometrist to get a good eye glass. How would you know you like a woman's look if you don't see her features clearly. Since girls don't like to look at you when they're near, you can only see them looking at you from a distance. They also would hide their face from you when they catch you looking at them, believe me. Learn a respectful eye contact only with someone you really like. This is to attract them and give them subtle advice that you like them to come near you and show their beauty to you next time since you're looking for love. But hide that romantic look to all else other than to whom you are surely attracted to. Otherwise your looks will betray you that you are lying. Prepare yourself when making eye contacts with someone you really like. It won't be effective if you can't still move on with your previous failed relationship, and you're not really still finished mourning over it. That magical look should only be given by those who are already prepared for marriage to someone single and as we've mentioned here is viable for marriage too with you. Look for cues if they're not anymore available, a ring, a child with her, a facebook post that says "married". After that first attraction though, nobility of character is the name of the game. But how would it start in the first place if you will not signal to girls that you're already looking for love. I'm sorry but I'm talking to sexual addicts who are solitary in their pleasure and don't have grit to look for a partner. The caveat though is that you don't overdo looking at people and judging them by their looks. You watch your environment naturally and you don't look at people eye to eye. Instead you look away from their eyes respectfully if you don't know them. You don't look away from them because they are physically unattractive (opposite sex), but just naturally look away from them since you don't know them. This is just the beginning though, next to giving suble cues to others, you will have to act like a super detective, who can squeeze the last drop of info like from a shirt with surname cues and idea where she works. Background checking and observation will have to continue, then you'll be focusing in on one possible candidate which needs a stoppage at looking for other girls. This stage isn't yet a courting stage though. You can relate to her purely professionally or purely like a friend without any hint at romance. Pray once more if signs already is showing she likes you too, you like her, and she has the characters. If it is, then enter courtship if need be.

6. (Watch out for more...)

Is High Testosterone the Cause of Sexual Addiction?

An easily triggered male being by a female partner might have high testosterone level but he isn't a sexual addict, since we can speculate, that a wife can by just a simple gesture of arousing his husband, doesn't create in him a sexual addict, nay a loving faithful husband.

I previously wrote about papaya fruit being a possible angelic fruit or chastity fruit. I am rather old now and isn't still married while worrying about my low testosterone level that is why I am asking God if my belief is a myth that God wants me to marry older so that I may not have that stronger than normal sexual arousal.

Normalizing my T level is the idea, rather than raising it.

Once an adequate level of T is achieved, additional T acts primarily as an excess. So, for example, if we take a man with normal T and normal sex drive, raising his T further will not transform him into a howling sex addict.--https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/men-sex-and-testosterone/200810/the-truth-about-testosterone-levels

It's not even lowering T level so that sexual addiction can be healed. It is healing sexual addiction itself so that a normal T level translates into a healthy male being doing God's will.

St. Augustine, pray for us!

Nofap might seem to be on the reward system we have already demythified on the idea of powerpointing. Doing good even without a reward, or carrying your Cross and following Jesus is a dagger for that idea. It nonetheless all boils down to basically this: don't deplete your testosterone and dopamine on sexual addiction. Rather, use it for good even if it means carrying a cross with Jesus or even it means doing just little good acts that fall short of the world's riches, fame, and power.

Suggested Reading:
https://sanescohealth.com/making-the-connection-in-male-libido-dopamine-and-testosterone/

Working Out My Intimacy Need

Yes, if it is not your need for God, then it is your need for others. Take note that I'm not talking about agape and philia, but eros. We have dealt too many with the former. Doing good even if it is not directly done for others is still love, like developing a software program. However, I'm not talking about doing good to others in a filial or agapeic way like giving alms, embracing one's enemy who asks sincerely for forgiveness. Don't get me wrong though. These are needed of course badly if one is to enter erotic love righteously. But how about if you've done your homework already and still you have a failing grade on romance?

You are not alone. The recommended reading below is untouched by my illiteracy about intimacy, so let us hear from an expert.

Recommended reading:

Perhaps a good story is needed for us to break the complex idea.

I had a text-mate. (Note that I am still recovering from decades of sexual addiction.) Since I want to be sure first if she's Catholic and single, I didn't easily gave my personal info. And boy I hooked her to giving her Facebook account because I said I will add her to mine but did not.  I almost always want to let her catch that it was me texting her love songs of lyrics when she's dropping by to buy in my minimart though it seems she's still doubting. Later I found out that she's wearing a half-heart necklace, and I asked if she already has a boyfriend. She refused to tell me whether or not she's already in a relationship or not unless I tell her my name that I stoutly refused since I reasoned out what for if she already have a boyfriend. Then her irate reply, "Then don't text me anymore if you really don't want to give your name. It's not a big deal but you're still refusing for what!"

As Dr. Alexandra Katehakis tells us,

...The goal is for the addict is to learn to securely attach to healthy partners and experience the joy of intimacy, which once tasted, can be so powerful it incinerates all illusions that sexual acting out can ever fulfill the deep inner longing for connection that all humans have in common.

One of the most important building blocks is transparency. This means allowing ourselves to be seen and known authentically, no matter the consequences. To a sex addict, this can be horrifying...

My fault. Do I rationalize my need to first ensure if a girl is single and a Catholic before I give her my real name? So at first instance I have played a wrong note, and it sounded badly until the end.  A discerning person can easily tell that I wasn't so sure of myself if I really like her. The fear of being hurt...is almost a hundred percent true. So gentlemen, please do your homework on intimacy, start by reading my recommended reading above, and progress in Jesus name. I stumbled upon a blind spot of my personality, and you might not be familiar also about it as a repentant sexual addict. Such psychological work though must be processed inside our courting guide for Catholics below:

If you're really prepared for marriage then read the difference between dating and courting:

Courtship: The Chaste Preparation for Holy Matrimony 

This is short of a classic spiritual reading for our modern times. I have not found one better than this touching on our present state of affairs about courting for Catholics. Though it seems harsh, the idea to court and familiarize with the family of origin of the woman you will marry is of course today a common sense which we have easily discarded nowadays, while the idea that dating might be not so Catholic is of course not to the letter.  What is sinful is premarital sex and one should not provision for the near occasion of sins in one's idea of dating. Might as well add another from among the conference content:

Holy Matrimony: Choosing a Partner

 
St. Raphael, pray for us!

Additional Intimacy work:

Do work out these emotional processing within the framework of your prayer life.

Finally, as I've read through Robert Burney's Inner Child Healing simplifying intimacy in the most fundamental way, the answer lies in Divine Mercy and St. Therese blind trust in Divine Mercy.

Once that kind of love Jesus gave us is lived, (Love one another as I have loved you--John 13:34) we need not fear any intimacy problem in this dark and dreary world of relationships even of the romantic kind. Shine that Light of Jesus Love, and no relationship can go wrong.

St. Augustine, pray for us!

Loneliness

In my quest for a wife, without being successful in getting one, loneliness sets in.

The Lord shows me that there is also a need for a change of axis when it comes to determining what kind of loneliness you are having.

If you are experiencing loneliness that only God can satisfy, no person can satisfy such. More often it is my need for God and not for a sexual partner that is triggering my loneliness. No wonder, it is with utter sadness that many ladies have shown their positive regard for me without me willing enough to reciprocate the gesture. I ask myself what is wrong since they are physically beautiful, and have passed my checklist like being a catholic, having nobility of character. Sure enough it was my need for God that I should not project to my future wife. Gentlemen, we need to pray so as to avoid expecting from girls things that only God can fill.