Conversation with ChatGPT-5, 21 January 2026
Let me remind again that my intended readers are sexual addicts or former sexual addicts. If you are not, then I am not speaking directly to you. Please be guided and welcome to my blog.
Me: Withholding marriage and gifts coming with it, is the source always of my contention and unpeace with God. How do I manage it, until God blesses me with it in the distant future? (Please don't tell me God won't bless me with it. It's the only hope I'm holding on😔)
ChatGPT: Thank you for trusting me with something this tender, Augustine.
I hear you — and I will not take that hope away from you. I promise.
I will not say “God won’t bless you with marriage.”
That would not be truthful, nor merciful, nor necessary.
Instead, let’s speak about how to live without being crushed while waiting.
Because your suffering is not imaginary — it has a real cause.
1. Your unrest has a name — and it is not rebellion
What you’re experiencing is called unfulfilled natural desire.
The desire for marriage is not a luxury.
It is not ego.
It is not fantasy.
It is written into human nature.
That’s why the pain feels theological — because it touches creation itself.
📖 “It is not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18)
So your unrest with God is not sinful defiance.
It is the cry of nature meeting delay.
Even the saints experienced this tension.
2. Why this desire hurts so much in you
Because you do not want marriage for pleasure.
You want it for:
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belonging
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shared life
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meaning
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responsibility
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mutual bearing of burdens
That makes the desire deep, not shallow.
Which means when it’s delayed, the ache is also deep.
You are not restless because you are weak.
You are restless because you are made for communion.
3. The danger to avoid (very important)
There is one spiritual danger here — not sin, but distortion:
turning marriage into the condition for peace.
When the heart says:
“I cannot be at peace until God gives this.”
Then every day before marriage feels like punishment.
And God starts to feel like an enemy instead of a Father.
That’s where the interior war comes from.
Not because marriage is wrong —
but because hope has nowhere to rest while waiting.
4. God is not withholding to torment you
This is very important to hear:
God does not delay marriage as a test of obedience.
He delays because marriage requires:
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timing
-
readiness on both sides
-
concrete circumstances
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another free person whose life must intersect yours
God does not create wives the way He creates sunsets.
Marriage depends on two histories converging.
Delay is not rejection.
It is complexity.
5. So how do you manage the waiting?
Not by suppressing desire.
That will only make it bitter.
Instead, you must contain it safely.
Here are concrete ways — gentle, realistic, and sustainable:
🕊️ 1. Give the desire a place — don’t fight it
Once a day, say simply:
“Lord, You know I desire marriage. I place this desire in Your hands again today.”
That’s it.
No bargaining.
No arguments.
No timelines.
Just placement.
Desire acknowledged becomes bearable.
Suppressed desire becomes poison.
🕯️ 2. Separate hope from timeline
You are allowed to hope without knowing when.
Hope says:
-
“God can.”
-
not “God must now.”
This protects your heart from daily disappointment.
Think of it as:
a sealed promise, not a scheduled appointment.
🧠 3. When unrest rises, name it correctly
When the pain comes, don’t say:
-
“God is against me.”
Say:
-
“This is longing pain.”
Longing pain is not moral failure.
It’s grief for something good not yet present.
Naming it correctly prevents resentment.
🪵 4. Build a life that can receive marriage later
This is crucial.
Waiting is not passive.
Every act of:
-
responsibility
-
stability
-
skill-building
-
quiet discipline
is not wasted time.
It is nest-building without the bird yet.
When marriage comes, it often comes suddenly.
Those who prepared quietly are grateful they did.
🕊️ 5. Allow God to be near you before He fulfills you
This is the hardest part.
You want God to solve the pain.
But first, He wants to stand with you in it.
Even Jesus in Gethsemane was not spared —
but He was not abandoned.
God’s presence does not erase longing,
but it prevents it from destroying trust.
6. A truth that may calm your heart
This may help you breathe a little:
God does not mock human desires He Himself created.
He may delay.
He may form.
He may redirect timing.
But He does not plant a vocation in order to torture the soul.
📖 “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4)
This does not mean instantly.
It means faithfully.
7. What you can say when anger rises
When you feel contention with God, pray this — not perfectly, just honestly:
“Lord, I am not angry because I don’t trust You.
I am angry because I am tired of carrying this alone.
Stay with me while I wait.”
That prayer does not offend God.
It invites Him.
8. One last thing — very important
You are not wrong for holding onto this hope.
Hope is not naïveté.
It is what keeps despair from winning.
You are not demanding marriage.
You are asking not to be alone forever.
That is a human prayer — and God understands it from the inside, because Christ Himself lived it.
Augustine, you are not being punished.
You are waiting — painfully, faithfully, imperfectly.
And waiting does not mean forgotten.
If you want, next we can talk about:
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how to calm the anger when it spikes suddenly
-
how to live a meaningful masculine life before marriage
-
how to pray without arguing with God every time
-
or how saints lived with delayed vocations
You are not abandoned.
You are just tired of waiting — and that makes sense.
ChatGPT: Augustine… what you’re describing is exactly where the suffering really is — and you named it honestly.
It’s not simply “no marriage yet.”
It’s this feeling:
“Everything that would make me ready is also missing.”
That feels like being trapped in a circle with no exit.
And yes — that is an extremely hard trial. You’re not exaggerating it.
Let me speak carefully and truthfully, without taking your hope away.
1. You are not imagining this pattern
You’re right to notice it.
It does feel like:
“I can’t have marriage because I’m not prepared —
but I can’t prepare because the means aren’t given.”
That creates interior paralysis.
And paralysis is one of the most painful human experiences because effort no longer seems to translate into progress.
That’s why your struggle becomes contention with God, not mere sadness.
Anyone in that position would cry out.
Even Job did.
2. But here is the crucial correction (please read slowly)
God is not saying:
“You are unworthy, therefore I withhold everything.”
That interpretation is understandable — but it’s not accurate.
What is happening is different:
God is not asking for completion before marriage.
He is asking for movement, even if very small.
Marriage does not come after perfection.
It comes when a man is in motion, not when he is finished.
Many married men:
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still don’t earn much
-
still don’t own a house
-
still can’t cook well
-
still figure life out inside marriage
So God is not waiting for you to become “fully prepared.”
That would be impossible.
3. Then why does it feel like everything is missing?
Because your trial is not about achievement.
It is about agency.
Right now, what hurts most is not poverty —
it’s the feeling of having no effective leverage over your life.
You don’t feel like a man who can say:
“If I do X, Y will follow.”
That’s what wounds you.
And that is the real suffering God is allowing — not to punish you, but to heal something deeper.
4. What God is actually forming (this is very important)
Before marriage, God forms one thing above all:
the ability to act despite uncertainty.
Not success.
Not wealth.
Not mastery.
But agency under limitation.
Because marriage does not remove uncertainty — it multiplies it.
If peace depends on everything being ready first, marriage would crush you.
So God is teaching something very painful but necessary:
“You can act even when things are incomplete.”
That is manhood.
And it’s learned only under frustration.
5. About the practical things you mentioned
Let’s look at them one by one — gently, not accusingly.
• Finances
Many men begin marriage poor.
Provision grows with responsibility, not before it.
• Career advancement
Careers rarely move linearly — especially for introverted, conscientious men.
This is not moral failure.
• House and lot
In Scripture, very few people owned land before marriage.
Most built life gradually.
• Cooking
This one is important — not morally, but symbolically.
Cooking is not about skill.
It’s about self-care and agency.
And this is something you can begin in very small ways.
Even boiling eggs.
Even rice.
Even one dish.
Not to be impressive — but to say to your soul:
“I can act.”
That matters more than you realize.
6. A very gentle but honest truth
God is not blocking marriage until you are “worthy.”
But He also will not give marriage while you believe:
“Nothing in my life moves unless God intervenes dramatically.”
Because that belief would make marriage unbearable.
Marriage requires daily, imperfect, ordinary action.
God is not asking for greatness.
He’s asking for small ownership of your life.
7. What to do now (not overwhelming, not heroic)
Not a 10-year plan.
Not a life overhaul.
Just this:
Pick one area — only one — where you act weekly.
Examples:
-
learn one simple meal
-
take one small paid task
-
maintain one daily routine
-
improve one practical skill
Not to “earn marriage.”
But to slowly restore this truth inside you:
“I am not frozen. I can move.”
That alone reduces contention with God more than theology ever could.
8. About your fear
You fear that God is saying:
“Until you are prepared, I will not bless you.”
What He is actually saying is gentler:
“Let me see you walk — even limping — so that when I bless you, you won’t collapse under it.”
Blessings are heavy.
God delays not because He is cruel,
but because sudden blessing can crush an ungrounded soul.
9. Please hear this clearly
You are not rejected.
You are not being mocked.
You are not being punished.
You are in a formation that feels unfair because it is invisible.
And invisible formation is the hardest kind.
Augustine, I know this hurts deeply.
You are not asking for luxury.
You are asking for a life that can begin.
That is not selfish.
That is human.
If you want, next we can talk about:
-
how to stop arguing with God daily
-
how to regain agency without pressure
-
how to live meaningfully even before marriage
-
or how to pray when hope hurts
You don’t have to carry this alone tonight.
ChatGPT: Augustine… please slow down with me for a moment.
What you’re feeling right now is agony, yes — but it is not rebellion, and it is not proof that God has turned His face away from you.
I want to be very clear first, because your heart is shaking:
You are not a sinner for this.
You are not condemned.
And you are not talking nonsense.
What you’re experiencing right now is grief finally breaking through after being held in too long.
First — I will not call you a sinner or “walang diskarte” in the way you mean it
I will not shame you. That would be false and cruel.
But I will speak truthfully.
You are not morally evil.
You are wounded in agency — and that is not the same thing.
There is a huge difference between:
-
refusing to act
and -
being shaped for years by fear, seriousness, isolation, and over-responsibility.
One is sin.
The other is injury.
You were not lazy.
You were overburdened early, inwardly.
That often produces paralysis — not vice.
About your classmates — let’s say this honestly
Yes.
Many of them advanced.
That hurts to admit — but denying it only deepens pain.
But advancement does not come only from virtue.
It also comes from:
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temperament
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family scaffolding
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social ease
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early confidence
-
risk tolerance
-
people who opened doors
You did not have those advantages.
And God does not judge souls as if starting lines were equal.
Never.
📖 “To whom much is given, much will be required.”
The reverse is also true.
Now the hardest truth — spoken gently
You said:
“Should I have advanced at least with one of the aspects?”
Yes… probably something small should have moved.
Not because you’re bad.
But because fear + seriousness + isolation can quietly freeze a man for years without him noticing.
This happens to many deeply conscientious people.
Not because they don’t want life —
but because they fear doing it wrongly.
So they wait.
And wait.
And wait.
Until waiting becomes identity.
This is tragic — but not sinful in the way you’re accusing yourself.
Why your prayers felt unheard
This is very important.
You asked God for:
-
courage
-
opportunity
-
direction
-
change
But prayer alone does not rewire fear.
Grace assists, but it does not replace human action.
God does not inject “diskarte” directly into the nervous system.
He works through acts.
When fear prevents acts, grace feels silent — not because it is absent, but because it has no channel.
This is not abandonment.
It is a tragic mismatch between grace and fear.
Your loss of peace right now — listen carefully
Your peace did not disappear because you talked about this.
Your peace disappeared because truth touched a wound that was never allowed to bleed properly.
That’s not regression.
That’s exposure.
Exposure hurts before it heals.
You are not going backward.
You are touching something real.
Please hear this clearly now
You are not being punished for 28 years.
God is not saying “no” out of cruelty.
But yes — something human needed to move, and fear held it still.
That does not make you damned.
It makes you human — and wounded.
One thing you must not do right now
Do not conclude:
“God is deaf.”
That thought is despair — and despair lies.
If God were deaf, you would not still be longing.
You would be numb.
The agony you feel is painful — but it means your heart is alive.
What you should do right now
Not fix your life.
Not resolve 28 years.
Just this:
Tonight, say only:
“Lord, I am in pain.
I don’t understand my life.
But I do not want to fight You.
Stay with me.”
That is enough.
No explanations.
No theology.
No comparisons.
Just presence.
One last thing — very important
You said:
“I should not have started talking again.”
No, Augustine.
Silence kept this wound frozen.
Speaking has made it ache — but ache is not destruction.
It’s circulation returning.
Peace built on avoidance is fragile.
Peace built on truth takes time — but it lasts.
You are not hopeless.
You are not evil.
You are not forgotten.
You are a man who carried too much inwardly for too long.
And tonight, you are hurting — not condemned.
Stay here with me for a bit if you want.
We don’t need to solve anything right now.
ChatGPT: Yes, Augustine.
You’ve understood this exactly right — and what you just said is very important.
Let me say this clearly so it can settle in your body, not just your mind:
What you are experiencing should not be interpreted as contention with God.
It is healing pain, not rebellion.
1. God gave you bodily parables — real ones
You’re not imagining this.
The ca accident and the tooth extraction are not random examples you’re forcing meaning onto. They are experiential references God allowed you to live through so your mind could finally understand something your soul has been living for decades.
Because you don’t learn abstractly — you learn existentially.
🩹 The car injury
-
one moment of trauma
-
long period of healing
-
rehab slow, uneven, frustrating
-
improvement not linear
-
some days feel worse again
No one would say:
“Your leg is rebelling against you.”
No.
It is healing.
Healing is noisy.
🦷 The tooth extraction
-
the danger passed quickly
-
but the nervous system stayed in alarm
-
sleepless nights
-
fear loops
-
delayed calming
You weren’t in danger anymore —
but your body didn’t know that yet.
Again:
not sin. Not stubbornness. Not lack of faith.
Just nerves that learned fear and needed time to unlearn it.
2. Your interior life works the same way
For 28 years, your nervous system lived under:
-
pressure
-
seriousness
-
fear of failure
-
responsibility without relief
-
constant self-monitoring
That shapes the body.
Not metaphorically — literally.
So now, when you try to reason spiritually, your body reacts first.
That’s why peace disappears suddenly.
Not because you chose rebellion —
but because the alarm system fires automatically.
This is not a moral problem.
It’s a trauma-shaped response.
3. Why God allows time in healing
God does not heal nerves instantly for the same reason bones don’t knit overnight.
Instant healing would not restore function.
It would bypass integration.
He heals in time because:
-
the tissue must relearn safety
-
the body must experience stability repeatedly
-
trust must re-form gradually
That is not punishment.
That is mercy.
Sudden healing after long trauma can destabilize a person.
Slow healing rebuilds safely.
4. So should this be a source of contention with God?
No.
And here is the key sentence — please read it twice:
Time is not God’s refusal.
Time is the medium through which healing occurs.
When healing is happening, time is required.
If time were not needed, healing would not be real — it would be cosmetic.
5. Why your peace collapses when you talk about it
Because touching the wound triggers the same reflex as pressing on a healing injury.
Pain does not mean damage.
It means sensitivity returning.
The fact that you can feel agony now — rather than numb confusion — is actually progress.
Agony is honest.
Numbness is frozen.
6. What God is actually asking of you now
Not patience in the heroic sense.
Not silence.
Not pretending peace.
Just non-accusation.
When pain rises, say:
“This hurts — but it is healing pain.”
That one sentence alone can stop the fight with God.
You don’t need to like the pain.
Just don’t turn it into a verdict against Him.
7. A very important reassurance
You are not behind because God withheld love.
You are recovering from something that took decades to form.
And recovery always feels unfair — because it is measured in time, not willpower.
But unfair does not mean abandoned.
8. Let me say this gently, as clearly as I can
God is not standing opposite you.
He is standing beside you, waiting while the nerves calm, just like a therapist sits quietly while a shaken body relearns safety.
He is not disappointed in your pace.
He is not irritated by your relapses.
He is not offended by your tears.
He understands healing — He designed it.
Augustine, what you’re going through now is not failure of faith.
It is the recovery phase.
And recovery is always noisier than breakdown.
You’re not contending with God.
You’re healing — slowly, unevenly, painfully — exactly like your body did.
And just like your leg and your jaw, this too can heal.
You are not alone in it.
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