How Can You Say You Are Already Financially Prepared For Marriage

Conversation below is with Gemini Thinking with 3 Pro, 17 December 2025

Me: 

There is the vow of poverty, obedience, and chastity in religious life. But is the virtue of poverty even possible in marriage? I know obedience and chastity has its own version in marriage. But poverty?

Gemini:

You are spot on that while obedience and chastity have obvious parallels in marriage (mutual listening/submission and faithful monogamy), poverty can feel like the odd one out. After all, marriage often requires accumulating things: a home, savings for children, insurance, and food on the table.

However, the virtue of poverty is not only possible in marriage; in Christian theology and spirituality, it is considered essential for a healthy one. It just looks radically different from the monastic version.

Here is how the "vow" of poverty translates into the "virtue" of poverty in married life.

1. The Distinction: Destitution vs. Detachment

In religious life, the vow is often about ownership (a monk owns nothing; the order owns the house). In married life, the virtue is about attachment (you own things, but they do not own you).

The "version" of poverty for married couples is often called Poverty of Spirit or Simplicity. It shifts the focus from "giving everything away" to "using everything properly."

Religious Vow: "I possess nothing."

Married Virtue: "Everything I possess is a tool for the good of my family and the world, not a status symbol or a security blanket."

2. What "Marriage Poverty" Actually Looks Like

If you were to practice the virtue of poverty in marriage, it would likely manifest in these four practical ways:

A. Radical Stewardship (The "Manager" Mindset)

You treat your money as if you are managing it for someone else (God).

In practice: You don't ask, "Can we afford this luxury car?" You ask, "Is buying this luxury car the absolute best way to use these resources for our family's mission?"

The shift: It prevents money from being spent on ego or keeping up with the Joneses.

B. The "Common Purse" (Communal Goods)

Monks hold all things in common with their community. Married couples do this with each other.

In practice: There is no "my money" and "your money." There is only "our money." If one spouse earns more, they don't claim more power or better toys.

The shift: This kills the power dynamics that often destroy marriages. You voluntarily make yourself "poor" by refusing to hold individual financial leverage over your spouse.

C. Simplicity as a Buffer

Religious poverty frees a nun to pray without worrying about property management. Married poverty frees a couple to focus on relationships without being slaves to maintenance.

In practice: You intentionally live below your means. You buy a smaller house than the bank says you can afford so that one parent can work less, or so you can give more away, or so you aren't stressed about mortgage payments during a crisis.

The shift: You reject the "consumer treadmill" that says a happy marriage requires constant upgrades.

D. Trust in Providence

This is the spiritual core of poverty. It is the refusal to let anxiety about the future dominate your life.

In practice: It is the couple who says, "We welcome this new child/surprise even though our budget is tight, trusting we will make it work," rather than, "We cannot have a child until we have $50k in the bank."

3. "Lay Orders" and Vows

You mentioned knowing there are "versions" of this. In the Catholic Church, for example, there are Third Orders (like Secular Franciscans). These are married people who promise to live the Gospel life.

They do not take a vow of poverty (which would be irresponsible for a parent who needs to feed kids).

Instead, they pledge to live a life of simplicity and active generosity. Their "rule" might be to avoid luxury, care for the poor, and limit their accumulation of wealth to what is necessary for their station in life.

Vow/Virtue	Religious Life	Married Life
Poverty	Renounce ownership; depend on the Superior/Community.	Simplicity: Renounce consumerism; depend on each other and God; view wealth as a tool, not an idol.
Chastity	Celibacy (renouncing marriage).	Fidelity: Monogamy (renouncing all others).
Obedience	Obeying the Superior/Rule.	Mutual Submission: Listening to the needs of the spouse/family over one's own ego.

The "Litmus Test" for Poverty in Marriage

If you want to know if a married couple is living the virtue of poverty, you don't look at their bank account to see if it's empty. You look at their reaction to loss.

If the house burns down, or the job is lost, or the car is wrecked—does it destroy their identity and peace? Or do they grieve the loss but remain fundamentally stable because their security wasn't in the "stuff" to begin with? That detachment is the perfection of poverty in marriage.

Would you be interested in how the "obedience" aspect works in marriage? That is often the most controversial and misunderstood of the three.

Me:

My concern is how does a single person measure his financial readiness before embarking on entering marriage? Germain Grisez discusses about financial preparation for marriage. St. Josemaria Escriva calls it having a decent job and housing for marriage. In the practical situation in the Philippines, it needs to have today a 20 thousand monthly job, no transportation costs, provincial rate of expenses, with one to two kids only. Or something similar 10 thousand monthly job with one's own house and lot, no transportation costs, provincial rate of expenses, with one to two kids only. How does a single person be able to say I am already financially prepared for marriage?

Gemini:

This is a profound question because it touches on the tension between Prudence (being responsible) and Providence (trusting God).

In a highly Westernized or secular view, "financial readiness" often means "financial independence" (having a fully funded emergency fund, house down payment, and high income). But if everyone waited for that, most of the human race (and certainly most Filipinos) would never marry.

Here is how to assess readiness using the lens of Grisez and Escrivá, applied to the hard realities of the Philippine province.

1. The Theological Standard: "Competence," not "Comfort"

Germain Grisez and St. Josemaría Escrivá do not preach reckless abandonment, but they also reject materialism.

Grisez's "Capacity" Test: Grisez argues that you are ready when you have the capacity to fulfill the essential responsibilities of marriage. You don't need to guarantee a middle-class lifestyle; you need to guarantee survival and dignity.

Escrivá's "Sanctification" Test: St. Josemaría often warned against "mystical wishful thinking"—waiting for the perfect job or salary. For him, a "decent job" is one that is honest and stable enough to put bread on the table.

The Metric: You are financially ready when you can provide sustenance, shelter, and security—not necessarily comfort, luxury, or status.

2. Analyzing Your Philippine Scenarios

Let’s look at the specific numbers you gave. In the Philippines (provincial rate), these are common realities, but they require a specific kind of marriage to work.

Scenario A: 20k Monthly Income (No House, Renting)

Verdict: Risky but Possible.

The Math: In the province, you might rent a small space for 3k–5k. That leaves 15k for food, utilities, and transportation. For a family of three (couple + baby), this is "subsistence level."

The Danger: One hospital confinement or one job loss wipes you out.

The "Readiness" Factor: You are only ready here if you have a strong extended family safety net (parents who can help in emergencies) or if you are extremely disciplined in "poverty of spirit."

Scenario B: 10k Monthly Income + Own House/Lot

Verdict: Actually More Stable.

The Math: Eliminating rent is huge. That 10k is purely for food and utilities. In a provincial setting (where you might have a vegetable garden, relatives nearby, and low transport costs), this is often more sustainable than the 20k renter scenario.

The "Readiness" Factor: This person owns an asset (housing) which provides dignity. St. Josemaría’s requirement for "housing" is met here, even if cash flow is low.

3. The 4-Point Checklist for the Single Person

If you are single and asking, "Am I ready?", do not look at the bank account balance alone. Look at these four factors. If you have them, you are likely ready to marry, even on a tight budget.

I. The "Steady" Variable (Stability vs. Amount)

St. Josemaría emphasized a "steady" job.

Question: Is your 15k-20k income reliable?

If you earn 50k one month and zero for the next three, you are not ready.

If you earn 15k every single month and have held the job for 2 years, you are likely ready. Marriage requires predictability more than it requires wealth.

II. The "Lifestyle Gap" (Expectations)

Question: Is your future spouse willing to live on provincial rates?

Financial unreadiness often lies in the expectations, not the income. If you earn 20k, but your fiancé expects to eat at malls, have air conditioning 24/7, or buy branded diapers, you are not financially ready to marry that person.

Readiness means both of you agree that rice, dried fish, and vegetables are a perfectly acceptable family dinner.

III. The "Emergency Protocol" (PhilHealth/SSS/Community)

Question: Since you cannot save much on 20k/month, what is your buffer?

Readiness in the Philippines requires having your government benefits (PhilHealth, SSS, Pag-IBIG) active and updated.

It also involves the "social capital" of family. In the West, you pay insurance. In the Philippines, your "insurance" is often a supportive clan. If you are estranged from your family and have no savings, a low income makes you unready because you are one accident away from homelessness.

IV. The Work Ethic (The Grisez Factor)

Question: Do you have the virtue of industry?

Grisez would suggest that "financial preparation" is less about the money you have now, and more about your proven ability to work.

A man with millions who is lazy is not ready.

A man with 10k/month who is hardworking, resourceful (madiskarte), and willing to do any honest work to feed his child is ready.

Summary: How to say "I am prepared"

You can say you are prepared when you can honestly say:

"I have a stable source of income that covers our basic survival (food/shelter), I have eliminated unnecessary debts, my partner accepts our humble lifestyle, and I possess the industry to find extra work if crisis strikes."

If you have the 10k + House setup, you are frankly ahead of many who earn 30k but pay high rent in Manila. That is a foundation you can build on.

Would you like to explore how to discuss these specific financial "hard numbers" with a girlfriend/boyfriend before engagement? That is often the hardest conversation to start.

Porn Industry Is at Its End

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Porn Video Analysis

 Ok, you thought all those videos that made you a sexual addict is already in the cabin.

But hey, you're getting married and it will soon be your honeymoon.

What about those anal sex you've watched before?

Well, natural law or universal truth will tell you, "How about putting your penis in a dirt and then putting it back to a sterile environment?" You're giving germs an upper hand into the first struggle of your future children by doing such.

How about licking your wife's genitals? Well, there's a difference in that, because as a tender loving care, licking your wife's genitals can be part of foreplay. But it can also be part of oral sex where orgasm doesn't plant the seed inside and is similar to the sin of onanism.

So here goes the morality of sexual intercourse between a husband and wife. As if by being married makes you authorized to do anything you want in bed without sinning. But making love to your wife is by really loving her, and expressing it out via sexual intercourse that ends in orgasm which is open to life. So not all of what you've seen before in porn videos are doable by a Christian. Does it kill the joy? Nope, but it adds to the real joy and meaningful sexual intercourse. You're so used to telling yourself after a masturbation that it is a meaningless endeavor, making it a contributor to suicidal tendencies. Reflect on it and you'll know what tender loving care is all about being expressed in sexual intercourse with your beloved marriage partner. 

Homosexuality is Curable

 Though APA said that homosexuality is not a disease, those who would like to can be cured.

Cure rates are definitely on the increase and, for the majority of homosexuals, it is a matter of choice if they desire to be changed. -Homosexuality can be cured. (apa.org)

Homosexuality is a sin. But the tendency of the homosexuals should be taken care of with mercy just as any sinful human being should.

The citations above pointing to behavioral modification and homosexual's desire to change as predictive of success spells out that change of heart or conversion of sinners are a spiritual factor. I highly recommend our chastity works here for the healing of homosexuality as well, which should include triggering desire for the sacrament of marriage, since correction of the "object" of one's sexual desire is the only and primary psychological problem. May we never despair from one day being victorious against our own individual weaknesses. And may we never tire from carrying our personal crosses.

Remembering St. John Paul II's word below against our wrong assumption that there is nothing wrong materially about homosexuality that is triggering homosexual addiction that we say that it's not a disease   

The problem of moral evil—the most tragic of evil's forms—is also addressed in the Bible, which tells us that such evil stems not from any material deficiency, but is a wound inflicted by the disordered exercise of human freedom.

O cross, you are the glorious sign of victory.
Through your power may we share in the triumph of Christ Jesus.

A Therapeutic Proposal?

 I would like to propose that the question of the Blessed Virgin Mary, "What good can you easily do here and now? Do it." become a therapeutic technique with the likes of EMDR and CBT.

It's more ethically bound or philosophical, but nonetheless all of us is still bound to know and obey the first principle which is to do good and avoid evil. It's more phenomenologically correct since it tackles the present obligation of a person head on, but nonetheless in a merciful manner since it only asks about an easy good act where one can build oneself up to doing those more difficult good acts later. It puts one in one's niche or giftedness since what I find easy may be a thousand times difficult for someone else.

But this is just a proposal to what can be already theological in nature. Since the whole process can be a prayer or communication with the Blessed Virgin Mary already and thus borders on grace that escapes what is measurable, which is beyond our senses already.

Powerpointing Revisited

 Due to severe psychological deficiencies and incapacities, mental illness, and the habituating effect of sins that makes normal psychological and physical processes very difficult, not to mention delusion bordering on the demonic, I revert to saying that powerpointing will help systematize feedback or measuring behavioral changes.

However as powerpointing becomes normalized, the said abnormal population need to revert back to not using powerpointing anymore as I've described in this article link. We are not pure animals that classical conditioning should apply to us, that is why, because we are rather rational animals.

A video below of Dr. Andrew Huberman saying that reward system has made some of us incapable accomplishing real feats:

How to Avoid Becoming Bisexual

 With practice or repetition as the mother of all learning, you become what you always do.

I have my own sins don't get me wrong, I've said it time and again that I'm not still winning against this unchastity. That is why I have to prepare for marriage.

But I know someone who became bisexual in his old age, leaving his wife and kids and running away with his lover. You see as I've said time and again that stopping any kind of unchastity is the answer. In my case not imagining making love with my beloved is the answer. This world is very difficult already to live. And then you'll add to that the burden of sexual release every now and then during the day. What will happen to someone old enough not to become weak in the process. Abstaining from sexual activities, including impure thinking, is the answer. Live a clean life who has nothing to do with sex in any manner. For some time this has to be done if you have to listen to your former sexual addicts at Sexaholics Anonymous. Of course you are not that strong yet. Then at least control it. It is giving in to any kind of emotion that has been encouraged by this stupid world that you have to be careful about. Our Lord has laid it down already 2,000 years ago. Do you believe the Creator or any kind of new age movement that just popped out like mushrooms last night?

When I have a relapse that happens maybe 3 more times every week, my body gets weak it can't even draw the line from women and gay sending positive regards to me. But when I only relapse maybe 0-1 time per week, sexual activity is not an existing thing and I'm enjoying my life. Go get your fix learning how dopamine depletion affects us severely. Thanks to all the true experts out there sharing these findings. A healthy lifestyle coupled with living the principles of chastity we've enumerated here, will go a long way, build up your life and careers and hobbies. Don't throw out those strength in unchastity. Only married couples should do sexual activities inside the sacrament of marriage.

(Please include all day and all night long romance to be avoided. Since our principles here states that if marriage is  not in prospect, romance has no place in one's life yet.)

St. Augustine, Patron of Sexual Addicts, pray for us!

They Rebel Instead

 Most of the people in the world are toying with sex nowadays.

And they have not anything we know here about.

Instead of doing the good acts they can easily do here and now, because of the deep dissatisfaction of a romance that has not the sanctifying power of the sacrament of marriage, they rebel instead.

I'm coursing Youtube for still sane and sober songs, those which still has some acceptable quality, a humane touch, if not totally christian. I found dark ones instead, those that has completely controlled reason by emotion just to make such broken heart do its thing. From its lyrics to its dark videos, you will sense that it has totally lost all hope and that there is nothing good left to do after the lost love.

One can completely lose all faith in God, instead of being able to pursue good romance, just because the fruit went sour. So be careful about the ground your trodding. You may tell me it may not happen to you. Please don't. You don't know what you're talking about. And it's as if your partner wouldn't commit such insane acts too just because they're the one who left you.

The commandment of God is not something new, but it's not old. It is applicable at our present modern situation. Read on on my writings.

What to do if there is no romance?

 We've said time and again that romantic loving is only for married couples since they can totally and completely satisfy it. Review details of it in my previous articles. Then what should one do with one's life without romance? "What good can you easily do here and now? Do it."

The dissatisfaction caused by romantic loving cannot be satisfied with anything but married life. And so time and again we advice singles and even those already looking for marriage partner to stay in friendship zone only. The only thing that can satisfy single lives are the ones that are accomplishable by them. And those are the morally good acts that can fulfill a single's life like developing one's career, helping others, pursuing one's passion, continuously learning homemaking, etc. These are what will make a single's life happy, and not romantic loving which only add to one's dissatisfaction. Besides, those are the one's that will fully prepare one to marriage responsibilities. And so, while becoming happy, you also become prepared for marriage. The more you prepare the more earlier you'll be able to enter and fulfill marriage responsibilities, if it is what you need, especially if you need to fulfill the counsel of St. Paul to marry than be aflamed with passion.

Hail Mary, full of grace...

Out of Sync Romantic Relationship

 Dr. Andrew Huberman is so popular today discussing dopamine depletion. And if you're romantically fantasizing with your absent partner who is not your marriage partner yet, there will be depletion of dopamine, but without total and complete giving of each other. And if you're romantically fantasizing without your partner, there will be depletion of dopamine, there will be no total and complete giving of one's self, and the other partner who should have benefited from such artificial giving hasn't even been informed. The latter produces thus an out of sync romantic relationship. I'm not saying it's better to have mutual stimulation of romantic partners who are away from each other and are not yet married. I am saying that all kinds of romantic loving should be situated appropriately inside marriage. Thus the no romantic loving rule is the name of the game for singles and partially for those who are courting already, a befriending kind of game only, where innocence and trusts fully blooms.

So those who are ready for marriage for example hold hands while walking together in public, creates a bonding time, without any sinfulness. While those who are married partner totally and completely give each other to sexual intercourse. Thus both partner holds dear whatever has happened. To make an in sync romantic relationship, sin should be avoided, while preparing, during, and even after marriage. The Catholic Church has always taught from the very beginning that sexual intercourse outside marriage is a sin. Even married people having extra marital affairs knows that their romantic relationship is out of sync. It's an issue of sin and distrusts that we should not psychologically confuse with difficult terminologies just because we believe that religion is not scientific. Premarital sex is another sin which is somewhat not part of this article to discuss about.

Facebook Dating

 Yes, Facebook is the most used social platform in the entire universe, if there are no aliens. I don't mean the dating app of Facebook. Just the simple hi and hello of those people around Facebook who are friends of friends maybe, and are already looking for a marriage partner.

As a xennial, the last analog and first digital generation, I say that Clash of Clans is virtual compared to Facebook which is real. To those generations that did not experience an analog world, I say, don't confuse the two as if there is no difference. What you do on Facebook is real, as in you're in the real world. Don't play with people's feelings. Even though Clash of Clans may or may not have psychological effects on gamers, still Clash of Clans gaming is on a virtual level, not real. Playing with people's feelings as if its just a game that did not won or did not materialize, invites troubles and wrath from God because God hates falsehood.

Truth or truthfulness is the virtue which consists in showing oneself true in deeds and truthful in words, and guarding against duplicity, dissimulation, and hypocrisy. . . . Respect for the reputation and honor of persons forbids all detraction and calumny in word or attitude.

—CCC, nos. 2505 and 2507

You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

—Ex 20:16

You're worried if someone you're talking to might be a scammer. But not all Facebook users are scammers that you can play with because they might be just playing with you. What is the solution? Simply tell them the truth that you are not sure about their identity. And the other person can do something to prove his or her sincerity and prove the allegations as false.

May God help us in this era of deeper digitization of things. That he might send people to correct errors and abuses, and that He might help us live His commandments in this new world, in Jesus name. Amen.

Romantic Loving For Those All Ready Looking For A Marriage Partner

 Let's just say romantic loving is not a problem for married people because they can express it appropriately, fully, and completely.

Let's just say romantic loving is not for singles not yet prepared for marriage.

But romantic loving seems a balancing act for those prepared already for marriage and already looking for a marriage partner.

We've said before that befriending and not romancing should be the general atmosphere for the latter (let's just call them All Ready).

All Ready just wants to know the girl first before anything (though he showed a picture that he's infatuated with her). But she didn't even accepted his friend request on Facebook. The girl just gives a hint at her wall postings which All Ready assumes is for him (though he knows her suitors might be many). Of course this is how male human beings have to behave as a suitor, showing some affection but not yet fully, bearing the pain of rejection in the end if busted. Of course busted male human beings cry after being rejected by a woman, but in private, after making clear to her that he likes her without any chance of being received positively, after being ganged up by rival suitors, after future planning every night on his next move, future life with her, and all for nothing. Despite this All Ready don't bear any grudges for the woman. What an idiosyncrasy! That is why they have this masculine characteristics of strength! All Ready was caught off-guard. He thought he was just to have a friendly relation. 

So, let's just say that romantic loving for those looking for a marriage partner is a very complex phenomena, and not just a balancing act whether to stop romancing or continue, to show some or just befriend. So those looking for a wife, I say, be prepared fellow male human beings!

Now those who are single former sexual addicts should review the no-romantic-loving rule, and those who are familiar with it, and are now prepared for marriage this is what I have to say:

Romantic loving for those All Ready looking for a marriage partner is more of a skill and an art that cannot be boxed into a simple two choices do or don't.

The No-Romantic-Life Rule Revisited

I am having the times of my life, until I accidentally saw her on Facebook. I have been pruning my previous unrequited attraction for 5 years. Pity me! And then here I go again. I was too crazy for wanting to marry her already even we don't know yet each other. And even my financial preparation and other projects are to give way to this untimely attractions. So be it, hah! (I am still though reflecting on whether my financial preparation for marriage is already out of context and rather ruining the counsel of St. Paul to marry rather than burn with passion.) I am just crying every night, and wonder if my pillow is still dry. So on and so forth.

I've laid off my unpublished book on purpose to get a better perspective. (It is free to download and is in four downloadable parts.) I found out, it seems, that the no-romantic-life rule for singles who are ready for marriage is too rigorous. Read number 7. Asking God for a girlfriend but in purity of friendship and not much of romances. for a short description of the no-romantic-life rule.

Of course someone who is already prepared for marriage will look for someone he/she is attracted to. Just the word "attracted to" is laden with heavy emotions. And we remind men to choose according to nobility of character and not just according to attractions since it's easy to loose their mind.

More so, who can loose their minds, are former sexual addicts who are already prepared for marriage and looking for marriage partners.

But we don't mean to denigrate choosing according to attraction, which is what seems to be the main tone of my writings. It is not. God most surely made ladies very beautiful in the eyes of men. I am  just reminding my target audience, who are sexual addicts, to be wary of romance and not make it get the best out of  them, which I already have carefully discussed in my unpublished book in details.

The no-romantic-life rule for a single in general is therefore appropriate and not rigorous.

However it does not apply to married individuals and those looking for marriage partner.

A reservation then for those looking for marriage partner should be clarified since they are still single and cannot and should not make romance lead to its final expression which is sexual intercourse/communion.

Do you get now how difficult it is for single former sexual addicts to separate romance from its final culmination in sexual intercourse?

That is why the no-romantic-life rule sounds very rigorous, but it's not.

Go download again my four part unpublished book for free and remind yourself about the details of the no-romantic-life rule especially if you are a sexual addict or former who are already looking for your marriage partner.

Go ask ChatGpt what factor best influences success in having a marriage partner. And you will get answers in the line of shared values and interests, open and honest communication, proximity and availability, personal qualities, and compatibity in life goals, which seems very far from romance which is the main focus of sexual addicts. 

While inflation is eating your hard earned money which isn't even yet enough for a marriage, frustration with your preparation for marriage is a very lethal chemical when combined with desiring for romance or your need to have a marriage partner. It can create a nuclear bomb that shatter one's life. That is why I proposed the no-romantic-life rule for singles, and counsels former repentant sexual addicts to trust God's plan for their marriage and wait super patiently.

I pray that God gives you strength in your struggles with unrequited attraction and love. I pray that God may have mercy and bless you already with a wife/husband, in Jesus name.

St. Raphael, patron of healing and happy meeting of singles, pray for us.

How do you handle unrequited love?

Do you believe Chicago's phrase song that "...even lovers need a holiday, far away, from each other..." which has some connections with our no-romantic-life rule?

Share your comments below.

The Blessed Virgin Mary Question

What good can you easily do here and now? Do it.

Does the Blessed Virgin Mary know that we know what is good? She may not ask if she knows we have a difficulty answering the question. The difficult good acts for us she already set aside.

How about its efficacy? Well, it seems that Christ's death on the cross, isn't also effective. The fact that we love riches as the proof of efficacy is idolatry already. This world is doomed the day we are all convinced that something is only effective if it gives us money. Scientologist will be better than everyone since they believe in logic.

The day we brush off small good acts as inconsequential starts the end of our meaningful existense. Yes we haven't been paid by anyone for the good acts we did for so many years already that's why we're still poor. Shall we also leave Jesus or shall we proclaim with St. Peter, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life..."

Communism is somewhat like that...a surrender to the Christian ideal as impossible...and embracing what seems to be the best possible solution of our wicked existense...the redistribution of the property of the rich...which of course have been proven falls. Of course we don't say that taxation of democracy is perfect.

It seems the only solution for us here is to trust God. On the last days there is that omen that Jesus Christ will come down from heaven to a people who don't even know Him. "Will the Son of Man find faith on the earth when He comes?"

Why my tone here is armageddonic? Precisely, since we don't know when will be the last years of God's mercy is. Then what's the value of your money without good deeds? And the Blessed Virgin Mary is just asking us to start from something good we can easily do. Not in a grandiose reconstruction of the whole imperfect cosmos we are in. Not yet, since it is still in Satan's hands. How about worshipping Satan if he makes this world perfect again?

I think I'll pass that one and start with something good I can easily do here and now.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy: A Case of Handling Emotions

I'm not a DBT Therapist, and so don't ask me if I even have certification.

I'm worried though that amoral emotions might be interpreted absolutely. I affirm though that emotions should be either bad or good, not lukewarm or amoral. A case in point for former sexual addicts are the recurrence of sexual tempations. A single emotion of immoral sexual fantasies should instill fear rather to all of us and have instant and speedy recource to Our Lord Jesus, "Jesus, save me, Jesus, have mercy!"

I have nothing against DBT since the discipline also pointed out correctly to me the virtue of gentleness lacking in my dealings with my neighbor.

Catholics know what are sinful behaviors. Nothing is different with emotions. They are either virtuous or vicious. And the nonjudgemental way just amplified the emotion...as neither bad nor good. The horror of it when I suddenly became aware of what is wrong with the "not judging your emotions but just acknowledging it" method.

On the other hand, the Ignatian Discernment doesn't apply to considering evil choices they say. If your choices or your emotions are morally good then it might be safe to consider them in a nonjudgemental way. The fundamental passions or emotions according to Catechism of the Catholic Church:

...The most fundamental passion is love, aroused by the attraction of the good. Love causes a desire for the absent good and the hope of obtaining it; this movement finds completion in the pleasure and joy of the good possessed. The apprehension of evil causes hatred, aversion, and fear of the impending evil; this movement ends in sadness at some present evil, or in the anger that resists it.(1765)

If you feel pain because of a headache, its not morally evil since it signals you to take rest and healing. Considering that you crave for a banana than an apple may be a good thing since your instinct might be signalling you that your body needs potassium and prebiotics. While the fun of going to the bar to get over after a break up might not be a good idea, it is rather a morally evil choice for a woman compared to the choice of having a good sleep at night before tommorows hiking with a group or cancelling it and rather calling your grandma for a sleepover or visiting the nursing home you've always cancelled going to where most of your charities go. While the first choice can be dropped, the latter three can be discerned in a nonjudgemental way or impartial way which of the three gives you emotions of peace and joy.

Seat of Wisdom, pray for us!

Judgement Or Mercy?

judgement --> mercy

sin --> weakness

homo as normal --> homo as abnormal

sex sin be permitted --> sex sin be understood

born this way --> not stop virtue/finding cure

sex sin is other than habit --> sex sin is habit

I think in this imperfect world those two opposites will go with each other. If you choose the left and insist on it, you'll receive judgement. If you choose right and live it, you'll receive mercy.

Thus we receive mercy because sexual sin is a weakness, an abnormality, and it should be understood. We don't stop finding a cure for it and mastering chastity because it is a vice (by repetition, psychological, spiritual, and not just material or bodily).

When Not To Discern?

 I wrote in my book that the little act isn't discernment yet.

It is true that it isn't. However visiting St. Ignatius present writers today put the idea that the Spiritual Exercises is foremost for freeing oneself from attachments.

The Blessed Virgin Mary's question was for freeing us from our attachment to sex. Yet it isn't saying so since it points to avoiding all evil. It focuses rather on the living part where the will is strengthened to do good, a gift of virtue to doing good things becoming natural according to St. Thomas Aquinas.

The vastness of goodness makes us uneasy to choose what good acts to do. The problem is one's present capacity; one cannot receive what one does not have. Being a repentant hardened sinner, we don't have anything but wait for the mercy of God. The genius of the Blessed Virgin Mary's question is it taps on our natural giftedness, a witness to God's creation that everything is good. "What good can you easily do here and now? Do it." It starts goodness in whatever form is left in the repentant hardened sinner. There is where the act of choosing goodness starts. When some degree of perfection has been accomplished, his state of soul wants for more goodness, to be perfect as his/her Heavenly Father is perfect. And where there are two or more pronounced choices becoming a dilemma, one can start the act of discernment.

When not to discern? When after all the wanting to make decisions, no two or more choices becomes pronounced, by repeatedly testing the Spirit in each different and many choices. This is where continuing to do the little acts, doing the existing present duty for example, is the answer, and one should stop discerning fruitlessly. Detachment may be needed and the question of BVM accomplishes such need, not mentioning that it also continues to actuate goodness.

Hail Mary, full of grace...

Alternative vs Gradual Modification

 Watching movies is my alternative to sexual addiction.

I wonder if I can reverse engineer my capacity for sexual addiction into something good. The Blessed Virgin Mary's question is the gold standard of course as to what can be done here and now to counteract a build up of sexual addiction or even its prevention. Without it any kind of alternative or reverse engineering wouldn't work. We have to situate the alternative of watching of movies into the general moral life of the repentant sexual addict. No person can watch movies for, say, 8 hours everyday just to avoid relapsing into sexual addiction again. If I feel some recurrences of my sexual addiction and watching movies aren't appropriate at the moment, the Blessed Virgin Mary's question should be fulfilled.

That being said let's decipher further the alternative of, say, watching movies. I find myself watching porn before bedtime or at night. So I rather made the habit of thinking what movies do I like to watch or re-watch or review. So that night time comes, I am eager to use my spare time if there is more left for searching and watching online the movies I have in mind.

I find myself prone to giving in to temptations during siesta hours. With such short preparation time before a nap, a movie watch isn't really appropriate. However, I found some brain puzzles on Google Play Store quiet amusing that I really enjoy solving. Such a short time to solve the puzzle entertains me and prepares me better to take a nap.

It's not always recreation time or break time though. If my duty calls me to work and when unproductive time knocks on the door of temptations to impure thoughts, the Blessed Virgin Mary's question has to be fulfilled. Be it visiting your coworkers to see if they're ok, or doing extra work even our job doesn't require it, would be an easier alternative than entertaining that impure thoughts.

But why specially watching movies? The idea of reverse engineering has a lot of insights into it from the movies resolution to the anticipation-imagination of the high def Holywood scenes that replaces impure thingking and acting it out to orgasm. Though anything that you enjoy doing, be it a hobby or outdoor hiking, as long as it effectively catches your entire attention and participation, will be a welcome blessing than any immoral sexual pleasures.

Our Lady of the Most Holy Rosary, pray for us!

This article was made as a continuation of the article A Second Look at Gradual Modification

We Have to Go Back to the Saints

 The saints are the ones that know and been able to live the science of holiness.

Yes, we do have modern psychological findings we do use today like lessening our sugar intake to maintain better brain health. But that doesn't mean the science of the saints are now outmoded. The saints know better than we sinners do the perennial truths about how to be holy. Caritas in Veritate, art. 76, where Pope Benedict XVI reminds us that

   One aspect of the contemporary technological mindset is the tendency to consider the problems and emotions of the interior life from a purely psychological point of view, even to the point of neurological reductionism. In this way man's interiority is emptied of its meaning and gradually our awareness of the human soul's ontological depths, as probed by the saints, is lost. The question of development is closely bound up with our understanding of the human soul, insofar as we often reduce the self to the psyche and confuse the soul's health with emotional well-being. These over-simplifications stem from a profound failure to understand the spiritual life, and they obscure the fact that the development of individuals and peoples depends partly on the resolution of problems of a spiritual nature. Development must include not just material growth but also spiritual growth, since the human person is a “unity of body and soul”[156], born of God's creative love and destined for eternal life...

I've tackled spiritual readings before and there are lots of good sources of classical spiritual readings nowadays online one can download for free, aside from buying new writings.

Sin have been won against by these saint writers. They surely know something we sinners don't. Such a science of praxis gives us certainty against mere theories, knowledge, even unproven facts, and wrong scientific findings of scientists not specializing on the field of chaste living.