Updated 20 August 2018
First of all, I can't exactly speak for those looking for a husband, but generally the points below can be applied to them as well. Secondly, I assume that you are already prepared for marriage. Thirdly these are general advices which may not be applicable for your situation, or applicable but your situation merits a good exemption.
1. Don't include minors on your prospective wife. Why? Because they can't say yes to a commitment yet. Although a college or 18 years old girl has entered the age of reason, the age where their body adjusts and they start to think about having a partner or living as a single temporarily or permanently, statistics show that only at age 24 do they have a good chance and success at entering such marital commitment. These mature age and up should have given them the capacity to compromise these goals to make up for a life with you. Although at age 18 exceptions to this rule can be already an option, listen to me. If you court a girl of age 18 and she is committed to finishing her studies, and have ambitions and dreams she likes pursuing, you might end up marrying her but frustrating her goals and blaming you or end up saying no to your proposal. If you like to befriend her only, then let it be that way without any hoping on your part that she will be your wife, which is a great risk on your part, being that you have to take care of your emotional life and should not put yourself on the brink of loneliness. Think again that you, if you're already 25 years old have enjoyed a life of studies and career pursuit without being dragged down by romantic heartaches. Would you not give her that advantage too that you enjoyed and not bother her life? These are yours to think about if you'll be entering that exception to the rule. Besides even she surely is developing a crush on you, let her be, but don't court her, she might just like you but cannot yet enter a commitment. So your only option is befriending without any kind of romancing really. Then why not look for other girls already capable of giving that yes or commitment to you or 4 years after. Remember that you are not a robot who doesn't have feeling that gets hurt. Don't lie to yourself, if you are really already looking for a wife or girlfriend, then look for one who can give that yes already to you. You'll then have a better rate of success than heartache.
2. Don't include women who have a different religion than yours. Catholics should marry Catholics, Muslims to Muslims, Protestants to Protestants, etc. Let it be clear when you are a Catholic for example and you will be courting a girl who are not a Catholic, that you would like to raise Catholic children which needs a Catholic mother of course, a change of religion on her part, and not a simple decision to make. Let her choice be done in freedom, not just because she loves you. Loving another alien religion on her part takes time. And even though she's a previous Catholic, if her convictions have changed deeply, reverting back is not a simple banana-or-apple-for-a-snack choice. If you can't capitalize on such risk or possible denial of your proposal then look for a woman of your own religion already. Don't plan to make her fall in love with you badly before telling her first you like her to join your religion. You'll end up crushing her plans in life later, and you regretting that move because you've hurt her big time if she in the end can't give that commitment to your religion. Mixed marriages are mostly discouraged, since it will hamper the simple practice of faith of the children, who might end up lukewarmly believing in God since they can't understand at their early age why their family goes to two churches and believes two different things on some or many points. If you're a Catholic for example and you believe in your faith, then you might as well want to pass it on to your children. Believing otherwise is lack of faith on your part. Besides proselytism is discouraged and even named as sinful by Pope Francis especially to fellow Christians. Though evangelizing others is a different thing, we are to attract others by living the Gospel, and if questioned only, by explaining to them respectfully the things they want to know about. Otherwise, we are to avoid discussing about religion or just discuss things common only to you and your friend's faith, like Adventist believes in the Trinity with the Catholics which is a safe thing to discuss albeit indirectly. There are a lot of things to talk about on common ground like human values, politics if you have similar views, business, raising children, etc. So with these in mind, would you still include women of other religion on your choice of a wife? Play fair with her and state your preference for your religion.
3. Don't say I love you too early. As former sexual addicts inclined at imagining one's beloved sexually, the psychological effects of being attached already is almost perfect yet it is a one way street. It takes two to tango rather. And a perfect development of attachment means developing it with each other at the same time, not to mention that what I advice (Pauline) here as curative of sexual addiction is real marriage not imagined. The effect is alienating that she would think to herself, "Where on earth does this man courting me found his love for me this early?" You will at the same time go crazy from being depressed to hopeless due to stimulating yourself sexually without any hope of union with the beloved be it in the remote, proximate, or immediate preparation for marriage. Only a married honeymooning couple for example should stimulate themselves. Since, as we've said here, married people not with each other should not stimulate themselves away from each other because the act of sexual intercourse isn't possible at the said time for whatever reason. But how would the consummation of marriage come to reality for a yet courting male individual who is sexually fantasizing of her beloved, if for a reason or two, or worse, courting should stop due to for example the rejection of commitment, realization of incompatibilities, etc. Any kind of sexual activity outside of marriage is sinful. And do your sanity a favor by just courting but not sexually fantasizing about your beloved. Take note too that sex before marriage is sinful also. If any reason to stop the courting arises then detachment will be easy. But for those practicing any kind of sexual fantasizing of her beloved, detaching one's self to someone he is courting, if valid reasons are found, will be almost similar to the hell of divorce.
4. Negotiables and non-negotiables for a future wife
With my youth and foolishness past my age, I surely can tell my stories of incorrect non-negotiables. My first non-negotiables were height and pointed nose with small oval noseholes (what a foolish limitation). At this non-married senior age of mine, the only non-negotiables left is being a catholic with a noble character. To the youth I say, don't let this bodily beauty you desire or prefer to be the primary criterion of your sexual choice of a wife. Yes, you know what looks of a girl are your type. But the Bible is clear in its primary basis of testing a future wife--nobility of character. Consider Proverbs 31:10-31 with a focus on passage 30 "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Consider how Rebecca was tested by Eliezer, though he might have seen Rebecca's physical beauty first ("The woman was very beautiful,...Gen.24:16), that alone would have rendered her unqualified if she did not passed Eliezer's test. If you find yourself with two options the other girl being less physically beautiful but has more noble characters than the other, and they are both your type, then please pray that you may see and experience the beauty of a noble character. You don't yet get it? Then watch your favorite teleseries and look at those physically beautiful villains, why your blood boils rather than be turned on by their beauty.
A Short Story
I narrowed down my choice of whom to court up to three contenders who might possibly be living a noble life. After some simple initial background check and observation, I chose the most beautiful among them, my type of girl. But how did I stumbled back to my secondarily ranked choice? (Take note first that the three are my type of girl.) The second contender revealed herself to me with characters of a noble kind. She's happy with life, friendly with both her colleagues and cousins, doesn't care with how others will talk about her as long as she's doing her work fine, honest with her feelings, showing diligence, unambiguous, a leader, and firm in her beliefs. A kind of character set I rarely see among girls today. And when we started communicating, I found myself too attracted to her that I'm so sure that I really liked her a lot despite my first impression that she's secondary only with regard to her looks. Such is what you should consider unlike my other experience of seeing too-beautiful-to-be-true-girls that I consider 100% my type of girl before she opened her mouth, and obnoxious words started to deface my strongest of infatuations.
5. A practical advice. Those who are nearsighted should go to an optometrist to get a good eye glass. How would you know you like a woman's look if you don't see her features clearly. Since girls don't like to look at you when they're near, you can only see them looking at you from a distance. They also would hide their face from you when they catch you looking at them, believe me. Learn a respectful eye contact only with someone you really like. This is to attract them and give them subtle advice that you like them to come near you and show their beauty to you next time since you're looking for love. But hide that romantic look to all else other than to whom you are surely attracted to. Otherwise your looks will betray you that you are lying. Prepare yourself when making eye contacts with someone you really like. It won't be effective if you can't still move on with your previous failed relationship, and you're not really still finished mourning over it. That magical look should only be given by those who are already prepared for marriage to someone single and as we've mentioned here is viable for marriage too with you. Look for cues if they're not anymore available, a ring, a child with her, a facebook post that says "married". After that first attraction though, nobility of character is the name of the game. But how would it start in the first place if you will not signal to girls that you're already looking for love. I'm sorry but I'm talking to sexual addicts who are solitary in their pleasure and don't have grit to look for a partner. The caveat though is that you don't overdo looking at people and judging them by their looks. You watch your environment naturally and you don't look at people eye to eye. Instead you look away from their eyes respectfully if you don't know them. You don't look away from them because they are physically unattractive (opposite sex), but just naturally look away from them since you don't know them. This is just the beginning though, next to giving suble cues to others, you will have to act like a super detective, who can squeeze the last drop of info like from a shirt with surname cues and idea where she works. Background checking and observation will have to continue, then you'll be focusing in on one possible candidate which needs a stoppage at looking for other girls. This stage isn't yet a courting stage though. You can relate to her purely professionally or purely like a friend without any hint at romance. Pray once more if signs already is showing she likes you too, you like her, and she has the characters. If it is, then enter courtship if need be.
6. (Watch out for more...)
First of all, I can't exactly speak for those looking for a husband, but generally the points below can be applied to them as well. Secondly, I assume that you are already prepared for marriage. Thirdly these are general advices which may not be applicable for your situation, or applicable but your situation merits a good exemption.
1. Don't include minors on your prospective wife. Why? Because they can't say yes to a commitment yet. Although a college or 18 years old girl has entered the age of reason, the age where their body adjusts and they start to think about having a partner or living as a single temporarily or permanently, statistics show that only at age 24 do they have a good chance and success at entering such marital commitment. These mature age and up should have given them the capacity to compromise these goals to make up for a life with you. Although at age 18 exceptions to this rule can be already an option, listen to me. If you court a girl of age 18 and she is committed to finishing her studies, and have ambitions and dreams she likes pursuing, you might end up marrying her but frustrating her goals and blaming you or end up saying no to your proposal. If you like to befriend her only, then let it be that way without any hoping on your part that she will be your wife, which is a great risk on your part, being that you have to take care of your emotional life and should not put yourself on the brink of loneliness. Think again that you, if you're already 25 years old have enjoyed a life of studies and career pursuit without being dragged down by romantic heartaches. Would you not give her that advantage too that you enjoyed and not bother her life? These are yours to think about if you'll be entering that exception to the rule. Besides even she surely is developing a crush on you, let her be, but don't court her, she might just like you but cannot yet enter a commitment. So your only option is befriending without any kind of romancing really. Then why not look for other girls already capable of giving that yes or commitment to you or 4 years after. Remember that you are not a robot who doesn't have feeling that gets hurt. Don't lie to yourself, if you are really already looking for a wife or girlfriend, then look for one who can give that yes already to you. You'll then have a better rate of success than heartache.
2. Don't include women who have a different religion than yours. Catholics should marry Catholics, Muslims to Muslims, Protestants to Protestants, etc. Let it be clear when you are a Catholic for example and you will be courting a girl who are not a Catholic, that you would like to raise Catholic children which needs a Catholic mother of course, a change of religion on her part, and not a simple decision to make. Let her choice be done in freedom, not just because she loves you. Loving another alien religion on her part takes time. And even though she's a previous Catholic, if her convictions have changed deeply, reverting back is not a simple banana-or-apple-for-a-snack choice. If you can't capitalize on such risk or possible denial of your proposal then look for a woman of your own religion already. Don't plan to make her fall in love with you badly before telling her first you like her to join your religion. You'll end up crushing her plans in life later, and you regretting that move because you've hurt her big time if she in the end can't give that commitment to your religion. Mixed marriages are mostly discouraged, since it will hamper the simple practice of faith of the children, who might end up lukewarmly believing in God since they can't understand at their early age why their family goes to two churches and believes two different things on some or many points. If you're a Catholic for example and you believe in your faith, then you might as well want to pass it on to your children. Believing otherwise is lack of faith on your part. Besides proselytism is discouraged and even named as sinful by Pope Francis especially to fellow Christians. Though evangelizing others is a different thing, we are to attract others by living the Gospel, and if questioned only, by explaining to them respectfully the things they want to know about. Otherwise, we are to avoid discussing about religion or just discuss things common only to you and your friend's faith, like Adventist believes in the Trinity with the Catholics which is a safe thing to discuss albeit indirectly. There are a lot of things to talk about on common ground like human values, politics if you have similar views, business, raising children, etc. So with these in mind, would you still include women of other religion on your choice of a wife? Play fair with her and state your preference for your religion.
3. Don't say I love you too early. As former sexual addicts inclined at imagining one's beloved sexually, the psychological effects of being attached already is almost perfect yet it is a one way street. It takes two to tango rather. And a perfect development of attachment means developing it with each other at the same time, not to mention that what I advice (Pauline) here as curative of sexual addiction is real marriage not imagined. The effect is alienating that she would think to herself, "Where on earth does this man courting me found his love for me this early?" You will at the same time go crazy from being depressed to hopeless due to stimulating yourself sexually without any hope of union with the beloved be it in the remote, proximate, or immediate preparation for marriage. Only a married honeymooning couple for example should stimulate themselves. Since, as we've said here, married people not with each other should not stimulate themselves away from each other because the act of sexual intercourse isn't possible at the said time for whatever reason. But how would the consummation of marriage come to reality for a yet courting male individual who is sexually fantasizing of her beloved, if for a reason or two, or worse, courting should stop due to for example the rejection of commitment, realization of incompatibilities, etc. Any kind of sexual activity outside of marriage is sinful. And do your sanity a favor by just courting but not sexually fantasizing about your beloved. Take note too that sex before marriage is sinful also. If any reason to stop the courting arises then detachment will be easy. But for those practicing any kind of sexual fantasizing of her beloved, detaching one's self to someone he is courting, if valid reasons are found, will be almost similar to the hell of divorce.
4. Negotiables and non-negotiables for a future wife
With my youth and foolishness past my age, I surely can tell my stories of incorrect non-negotiables. My first non-negotiables were height and pointed nose with small oval noseholes (what a foolish limitation). At this non-married senior age of mine, the only non-negotiables left is being a catholic with a noble character. To the youth I say, don't let this bodily beauty you desire or prefer to be the primary criterion of your sexual choice of a wife. Yes, you know what looks of a girl are your type. But the Bible is clear in its primary basis of testing a future wife--nobility of character. Consider Proverbs 31:10-31 with a focus on passage 30 "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Consider how Rebecca was tested by Eliezer, though he might have seen Rebecca's physical beauty first ("The woman was very beautiful,...Gen.24:16), that alone would have rendered her unqualified if she did not passed Eliezer's test. If you find yourself with two options the other girl being less physically beautiful but has more noble characters than the other, and they are both your type, then please pray that you may see and experience the beauty of a noble character. You don't yet get it? Then watch your favorite teleseries and look at those physically beautiful villains, why your blood boils rather than be turned on by their beauty.
A Short Story
I narrowed down my choice of whom to court up to three contenders who might possibly be living a noble life. After some simple initial background check and observation, I chose the most beautiful among them, my type of girl. But how did I stumbled back to my secondarily ranked choice? (Take note first that the three are my type of girl.) The second contender revealed herself to me with characters of a noble kind. She's happy with life, friendly with both her colleagues and cousins, doesn't care with how others will talk about her as long as she's doing her work fine, honest with her feelings, showing diligence, unambiguous, a leader, and firm in her beliefs. A kind of character set I rarely see among girls today. And when we started communicating, I found myself too attracted to her that I'm so sure that I really liked her a lot despite my first impression that she's secondary only with regard to her looks. Such is what you should consider unlike my other experience of seeing too-beautiful-to-be-true-girls that I consider 100% my type of girl before she opened her mouth, and obnoxious words started to deface my strongest of infatuations.
5. A practical advice. Those who are nearsighted should go to an optometrist to get a good eye glass. How would you know you like a woman's look if you don't see her features clearly. Since girls don't like to look at you when they're near, you can only see them looking at you from a distance. They also would hide their face from you when they catch you looking at them, believe me. Learn a respectful eye contact only with someone you really like. This is to attract them and give them subtle advice that you like them to come near you and show their beauty to you next time since you're looking for love. But hide that romantic look to all else other than to whom you are surely attracted to. Otherwise your looks will betray you that you are lying. Prepare yourself when making eye contacts with someone you really like. It won't be effective if you can't still move on with your previous failed relationship, and you're not really still finished mourning over it. That magical look should only be given by those who are already prepared for marriage to someone single and as we've mentioned here is viable for marriage too with you. Look for cues if they're not anymore available, a ring, a child with her, a facebook post that says "married". After that first attraction though, nobility of character is the name of the game. But how would it start in the first place if you will not signal to girls that you're already looking for love. I'm sorry but I'm talking to sexual addicts who are solitary in their pleasure and don't have grit to look for a partner. The caveat though is that you don't overdo looking at people and judging them by their looks. You watch your environment naturally and you don't look at people eye to eye. Instead you look away from their eyes respectfully if you don't know them. You don't look away from them because they are physically unattractive (opposite sex), but just naturally look away from them since you don't know them. This is just the beginning though, next to giving suble cues to others, you will have to act like a super detective, who can squeeze the last drop of info like from a shirt with surname cues and idea where she works. Background checking and observation will have to continue, then you'll be focusing in on one possible candidate which needs a stoppage at looking for other girls. This stage isn't yet a courting stage though. You can relate to her purely professionally or purely like a friend without any hint at romance. Pray once more if signs already is showing she likes you too, you like her, and she has the characters. If it is, then enter courtship if need be.
6. (Watch out for more...)
