Yes, if it is not your need for God, then it is your need for others. Take note that I'm not talking about agape and philia, but eros. We have dealt too many with the former. Doing good even if it is not directly done for others is still love, like developing a software program. However, I'm not talking about doing good to others in a filial or agapeic way like giving alms, embracing one's enemy who asks sincerely for forgiveness. Don't get me wrong though. These are needed of course badly if one is to enter erotic love righteously. But how about if you've done your homework already and still you have a failing grade on romance?
You are not alone. The recommended reading below is untouched by my illiteracy about intimacy, so let us hear from an expert.
Recommended reading:
Perhaps a good story is needed for us to break the complex idea.
I had a text-mate. (Note that I am still recovering from decades of sexual addiction.) Since I want to be sure first if she's Catholic and single, I didn't easily gave my personal info. And boy I hooked her to giving her Facebook account because I said I will add her to mine but did not. I almost always want to let her catch that it was me texting her love songs of lyrics when she's dropping by to buy in my minimart though it seems she's still doubting. Later I found out that she's wearing a half-heart necklace, and I asked if she already has a boyfriend. She refused to tell me whether or not she's already in a relationship or not unless I tell her my name that I stoutly refused since I reasoned out what for if she already have a boyfriend. Then her irate reply, "Then don't text me anymore if you really don't want to give your name. It's not a big deal but you're still refusing for what!"
As Dr. Alexandra Katehakis tells us,
My fault. Do I rationalize my need to first ensure if a girl is single and a Catholic before I give her my real name? So at first instance I have played a wrong note, and it sounded badly until the end. A discerning person can easily tell that I wasn't so sure of myself if I really like her. The fear of being hurt...is almost a hundred percent true. So gentlemen, please do your homework on intimacy, start by reading my recommended reading above, and progress in Jesus name. I stumbled upon a blind spot of my personality, and you might not be familiar also about it as a repentant sexual addict. Such psychological work though must be processed inside our courting guide for Catholics below:
If you're really prepared for marriage then read the difference between dating and courting:
St. Raphael, pray for us!
Additional Intimacy work:
Do work out these emotional processing within the framework of your prayer life.
Finally, as I've read through Robert Burney's Inner Child Healing simplifying intimacy in the most fundamental way, the answer lies in Divine Mercy and St. Therese blind trust in Divine Mercy.
Once that kind of love Jesus gave us is lived, (Love one another as I have loved you--John 13:34) we need not fear any intimacy problem in this dark and dreary world of relationships even of the romantic kind. Shine that Light of Jesus Love, and no relationship can go wrong.
St. Augustine, pray for us!
You are not alone. The recommended reading below is untouched by my illiteracy about intimacy, so let us hear from an expert.
Recommended reading:
Perhaps a good story is needed for us to break the complex idea.
I had a text-mate. (Note that I am still recovering from decades of sexual addiction.) Since I want to be sure first if she's Catholic and single, I didn't easily gave my personal info. And boy I hooked her to giving her Facebook account because I said I will add her to mine but did not. I almost always want to let her catch that it was me texting her love songs of lyrics when she's dropping by to buy in my minimart though it seems she's still doubting. Later I found out that she's wearing a half-heart necklace, and I asked if she already has a boyfriend. She refused to tell me whether or not she's already in a relationship or not unless I tell her my name that I stoutly refused since I reasoned out what for if she already have a boyfriend. Then her irate reply, "Then don't text me anymore if you really don't want to give your name. It's not a big deal but you're still refusing for what!"
As Dr. Alexandra Katehakis tells us,
...The goal is for the addict is to learn to securely attach to healthy partners and experience the joy of intimacy, which once tasted, can be so powerful it incinerates all illusions that sexual acting out can ever fulfill the deep inner longing for connection that all humans have in common.
One of the most important building blocks is transparency. This means allowing ourselves to be seen and known authentically, no matter the consequences. To a sex addict, this can be horrifying...
My fault. Do I rationalize my need to first ensure if a girl is single and a Catholic before I give her my real name? So at first instance I have played a wrong note, and it sounded badly until the end. A discerning person can easily tell that I wasn't so sure of myself if I really like her. The fear of being hurt...is almost a hundred percent true. So gentlemen, please do your homework on intimacy, start by reading my recommended reading above, and progress in Jesus name. I stumbled upon a blind spot of my personality, and you might not be familiar also about it as a repentant sexual addict. Such psychological work though must be processed inside our courting guide for Catholics below:
If you're really prepared for marriage then read the difference between dating and courting:
Courtship: The Chaste Preparation for Holy Matrimony
This is short of a classic spiritual reading for our modern times. I have not found one better than this touching on our present state of affairs about courting for Catholics. Though it seems harsh, the idea to court and familiarize with the family of origin of the woman you will marry is of course today a common sense which we have easily discarded nowadays, while the idea that dating might be not so Catholic is of course not to the letter. What is sinful is premarital sex and one should not provision for the near occasion of sins in one's idea of dating. Might as well add another from among the conference content:
Holy Matrimony: Choosing a Partner
St. Raphael, pray for us!
Additional Intimacy work:
Finally, as I've read through Robert Burney's Inner Child Healing simplifying intimacy in the most fundamental way, the answer lies in Divine Mercy and St. Therese blind trust in Divine Mercy.
Once that kind of love Jesus gave us is lived, (Love one another as I have loved you--John 13:34) we need not fear any intimacy problem in this dark and dreary world of relationships even of the romantic kind. Shine that Light of Jesus Love, and no relationship can go wrong.
St. Augustine, pray for us!
